BEWARE: How a con man can put a spell on unsuspecting victims

During the vacation, we encountered a con man; he doesn’t look like one, he sure doesn’t sound like one, but after analyzing what happened afterwards, we came to the conclusion that he’s a filthy con men, and a smooth one at that too.

We were heading somewhere for dinner – a place recommended by a friend, and we caught a cab to bring us there. When we got into the cab, the cab driver asked where we want to go, and proceeded to go there as usual – like a normal cab ride.

Or so we thought.

He started asking us where we came from, and what race are we. He was then surprised to know that we’re Chinese and mentioned that he’s Chinese too!

TACTIC #1 – Identifying with the victims to lower victim’s defenses, preparing them for more tactics to come; much like preparing meat before cooking. I’m not sure if “I’m human too!” works here, but hey, they’re going to find something that they can identify with, and use it.

He then asked where we’re going again, and tries to find out why we’re going there. He asked, “You going back hotel? You going dinner?” Of course, being the honest persons that we were, we said no, we’re going to have dinner in the area.

He then shook his head, and said, “That place dangerous”, and then paused for a while, as if to think.. and caught our attention. We then ask, “Why dangerous?”, and he mentioned about riots that’s happening around the area, and asked if we had read the news, and say “It’s very dangerous now, riots everywhere, that place not safe.. you want eat nearby got good restaurants.”

TACTIC #2 – Use current events to defuse the victim’s original intentions. The riots were true, but it wasn’t happening anywhere near our original destination, so he was using a mix of facts and untruths to divert our original route so that he can “nudge” us towards his intended destination. He’s not lying about the riots, but he’s lying about the location of the riots. For someone who knew about the riots, but didn’t know the exact location of it, would probably think he was speaking the truth since he’s a taxi driver and he knows the happenings around the area. Had he not used the current events, we may not have had fallen into his trap.

Naturally, we don’t know where else to eat, and we ask him to recommend a place. And he said, you heard of “Insert a name here” ? We said no, and he scoffed and said, it’s the most famous here! How can you have not heard of it? And he started saying that we walked into the right taxi at the right time.

TACTIC #3 – Make the victims think they are lucky, or extremely lucky to have met you.

He then said that we got the right person if we’re looking for food, since he’s the expert. He then patted his belly a bit.

TACTIC #4 – Portray yourself as the expert; the go-to person for that particular topic.

He then say “It’s very near, will only cost you 4.50 to go there.”

TACTIC #5 – Stress that it’s cheap to go there so that you don’t question the cost of going there.

We then ask, is it expensive? He stalled a little, (should’ve raised a red flag here! probably thinking of what to say since it’s going to be different than the real answer!) and then said “Like normal price, don’t worry.”

TACTIC #6 – Lie.

He then said that it’s the place locals go to, that by 7.30pm (it was about 6.30pm) nobody can get a place anymore.

TACTIC #7 – Lie again. Make the victims think it’s the go-to place, and make them think if they don’t hurry they will lose the opportunity.

After we agreed to go, he then prepares us for more cons to come. He first said that I was lucky to have a pretty girlfriend. Then when we used some local language, he proclaims surprise and compliments again and said we’re the best around.

TACTIC #8 – Compliment your victims. Lower their defenses again.

He then suggest that if we go to the restaurant, we MUST try a certain dish! It’s a local dish and you can never say you’ve been to that place until you’ve tried it.

TACTIC #9 – Suggest an expensive dish after you’ve finished lowering their defenses.

And then when we reached the destination, he said, oh… I said it’ll be 4.50 but it’s 4.80 now… then act very “paiseh” (embarassed).

TACTIC #10 – The ultimate tactic, appear embarassed that you have done disservice to your victims to remove any doubts that you’re a kind person and that you’re just trying to help. (When it’s otherwise!)

It’s like being cast in a spell. Once all those tactics are used, you won’t think twice about ordering the dishes he suggested.

And ends up with a RM 400 bill.

And staring at the bill in disbelief. “Like normal price” indeed.

Others would have claimed they were put under a spell, but I knew – we were prepared, sliced, diced, peppered and salted by a smooth operator. A super smooth con men. By the time he was done, we were so “prepared” that we were ready to order anything he suggested to us.

I had a bad feeling after I got off the cab – while the restaurant doesn’t seem to be “sprawling” with locals, it sure doesn’t seem to be “sprawling” with people either; there were about 3 groups of people there, and all of them foreigners. And taxis kept coming in with people – and I question this, if it’s so famous with locals, wouldn’t the locals come in their own vehicles? I shrugged it off, and although the bad feeling was present throughout dinner, I didn’t act on it.

You might scoff and say, this won’t happen to me! It didn’t occur to us that it would happen to us either, but it did. We thought we were quite “street smart” and savvy, having travelled to many places and experienced many things, but this proves to be a humbling experience. We knew about the cons out there, earlier we even avoided taking a cheaper cab ride because he has “sponsors” and all we have to do is just take a look at the sponsor’s shop and we don’t have to buy anything.

We can be smooth, but there will always be someone smoother than us. It didn’t occur to us that a restaurant can be a sponsor too.

It was an expensive lesson to us, and I hope by sharing this, it would help someone get out of such a situation in the future. Helping just one other person out there, would mean that our lesson is worthwhile.

You can say we learned our lesson – the next day another cab driver asked us if we were going to dinner (we wanted to head to the original destination recommended by our friend, and we were determined to get there, riots or not). We said, no, we’re going back to hotel, and no, we don’t want any dinner. And when we got there, we had the best meal ever, at the best price ever. And there were no riots, no hints of unrest, it was boisterous with travellers and locals alike.

It seems like even a seemingly kind person may have ulterior motives. We can’t, and we shouldn’t drop our guard, not even for a minute.

Expensive lesson learned.

Good luck!

Career Tips: You can negotiate anything

I have an ex-colleague who has changed jobs a few times in the past 5 years, and each time he jumped ship, he calls me for advice. What advice? Negotiation advice of course – he doesn’t really know what to do when discussing about salary with his potential employer.

In today’s daily post, I will share with you tips that I shared with him during those phone conversations, in the hopes that it may help some of you out there that needs such advice. It has worked for me, it has worked for him, and I hope it will work for you too.

There will be 8 points to this, and although not all the points will apply to your situation, across many scenarios, each of these 8 points will apply, and therefore as important as the rest.

1. Research

Before you start the negotiation process, you’ll need to do your homework. Research as much as possible, as much as you can for anything that can help you in the negotiation process. In our case, it could be the industry’s salary range for the applied position, the job scope, what values does the company prefer, what is the maximum the company is willing to pay for, and if you’re resourceful enough, what did the previous person in that position get.

2. Get as much leverage as you can

Then, you’ll need to identify your leverage. Leverage is basically an upper hand, it can be something you have that is of value to your opponent, in our case, your potential employee. It could be expertise in a specific skill that the company values, it could be your contacts, it could be your portfolio, it could be your certifications. It could even be the fact that the company is desperate to hire you because of some compliance or need. The main thing is to identify your strong points and your leverage, which you can use during the negotiation process. I learned this the hard way 6 years ago; I missed an opportunity to negotiate for higher salary when the company needed my certifications to comply to a certain compliance in order to get certified. If I had done enough research and found that out, I probably could’ve gotten 20% higher than what I had settled with.

And throughout the negotiation process, maintain your cool. You don’t want to appear too desperate, and at the same time you don’t want to look as if you’re not serious about the job. It’s a balance you will have to learn to keep, and with practice it will come naturally.

3. Set your minimum, and NEVER share it!

Set a minimum amount you are willing to go down to, but remember to NEVER EVER share it. It should be a number that exist only in your mind, not anywhere else. And you never start with this number. You should always start with a number that is higher than the minimum, and the quantum should not be too little that there is no space to negotiate. For example, if you have RM 3.8k as the minimum that you can compromise with, you shouldn’t start your negotiation with RM 4k. This gives too little room for negotiation, and too little room for the final price to stop at RM 3.8k. Your potential employer may say, oh, 4k is too high, how about 3.6k? There goes your 3.8k.

4. Mentally prepare yourself for the negotiation process

Your potential employers will do whatever they can to shake you mentally in order to gain as much leverage against you in negotiation for your salary, given the chance. They will sell the job to you, they may use certain tactics that puts you in a bind during the event itself, and so on and so forth. What you agree to during that discussion, will be the base amount they will be paying monthly for years (if you stay that long), and trust me, if they can lower it, they WILL lower it.

5. Negotiation is a process, not an event

A lot of people make the mistake of thinking that the salary negotation is an event, an event that happens when you meet your employer. In truth, the salary negotiation may have started during the first interview itself, when your employee try to get as much information about you as possible, when they try as much as they can to lower your expectations (if given the opportunity) and it may also last well after the meeting has ended. Before you’re given the employment contract, do not assume that negotiation is over.

6. Detach yourself from the object of negotiation

You must always detach yourself from the object of negotiation. This applies to every negotiation out there, be it a negotiation to buy a house, to rent an apartment, your salary – everything! In the case of a new job, you need to detach yourself from the job; don’t think of all the nice things that the job can give you, don’t just blindly accept the good points of the job that your interviewer or your future boss is trying to sell you, they’re just trying to get yourself so attached to the job that you’re willing to take any salary that comes with it.

7. Make a decision

You need to make a decision, and know full well the impact of your decision. If the salary is lower than your expectations, are you ready to take it, or can you walk away and lose it? You need to make this decision internally, and not be affected by any tactics whatsoever.

8. Never burn bridges

Last but not least, you should never burn bridges. Never let the negotiation go bad; always be friendly and courteous throughout the process. You can play hardball, but don’t play it too harshly that you end up being seen as rude by the other party.

Always remember that the negotiation is a process, and it may or may not end by the time it supposedly should end. Who knows, if the potential employer couldn’t find anybody suitable and decided to re-open the negotiation? And who knows, maybe there’s future openings? Always remain polite and courteous, and this will ensure that in the future if there is any possibilities of another negotiation, you’re always in the picture.

Good luck!

P.S. The title of today’s post is actually the title of a book by Herb Cohen – You can negotiate anything! I would recommend that you check it out, if you’re interested to learn more about negotiation.

Benefit, Big Beautiful Eyes…

Gonna talk about some girly stuff here, sorry guys! But… you can always read about it maybe one day you want to buy some make up for your girlfriend (might come in handy one day)

Benefit for the girls but not for the guys :P

On my trip to Sg i bought a new eye make up kit from Benefit. From natural day look to smokey eye for night. It’s a 2 in 1 and won an award in Cleo magazine.

Big beautiful eyes

It’s a eye contour kit that help make the illusion of your eyes bigger. I think most Chinese would love this product. There’s finally help for your chinky eyes :P

It has a concealer, base shadow, contour shadow, liner shadow and a set of miniature brushes for you to apply.

1st apply the concealer on top of your eye lid and on you eye circle if you have any. 2nd apply the base on your brow bone (which is near your eye brow). Just a little will do, not too much. 3rd apply the contour shadow on the crease area or slightly above the crease and swipe it all the way to the front (near your nose). 4th use your finger to dap the liner in your outer lid. You can apply all these with the miniature brushes that comes along with it.

You don’t have to worry about what goes where, the eye shadow description is just at the back of the case.

It is pretty straight forward what is for what. The only thing is don’t use the liner brush to apply the liner shadow. You can use the liner brush for a more intense look for your outer lid when you want to do a smokey look. For daytime you would want just a natural look that open up your eyes. The liner brush can also be use as eye liner brush. You can apply the liner shadow to your outer lower lash line and your upper outer lash line.

It also comes with a product information slip that teaches you how to do the whole entire look, from day to night. If you forget how to do it you can always refer back to the slip.

Last but not least Benefit Dr. feel good is also a fab product.

This is one of my favourite product for those that sweat a lot. Actually i don’t sweat a lot. I use it when i go dancing, that’s when i sweat. It keeps the make up in place. No runs, no melts no streaks, nothing. I can look exactly the way i am at the end of the day. You can apply it before you put your foundation as a base or just wear it alone. It also helps to smoothen out fine lines and at the same time control your oily skin (great for those that don’t like to wear make up but just want an oil control product). Another way of doing this is, after putting on your make up just dab it on top of your face to set it. If your last step is loose powder just dab it on top of that. I would recommand this to anyone.

This is a day look i did for myself. Try to experiment and play around with your make up. The more you practice the better you will get.

Big beautiful eyes from Benefit ;)

Till next time…

European GP: Watching F1 online

After 3 looong weeks of waiting, European GP is here! I can’t wait!

It’s going to be a close fight for the top 3 drivers with 6 remaining races to go; will Lewis Hamilton falter this round, will the Ferrari drivers take the lead from him? Or will Alonso stage an upset at home? Ah.. the rush, the excitement!

The Valencia circuit is a new one, and although street circuits like this usually are very narrow and have very little opportunities to overtake, making the starting grid positions extremely important to the drivers, the Valencia circuit is fast, sweeping and wide. (Source: Planet F1 – Ten Things You Should Know About Valencia)

Something tells me it’s going to be an exciting race to watch!

For those that doesn’t know yet, here’s how to watch F1 online for free:

http://byfallenangel.com/2008/08/how-to-watch-f1-live-online-for-free/

Daily Tips: How to focus

If you’re one of those out there that’s on a quest of finding an answer on how to focus and get your work done – this is a tip for you. I’ve had my fair share of unfocused periods – periods when I can’t focus at all because I had so much interruption, and at the end of the day, when I look back, nothing was done at all.

Here’s my tip in how to help yourself focus at work – stop checking emails and IMs all the time.

That’s right, you need to stop checking emails and IMs all the time. You probably realize by now that emails and instant messengers are actually interruptions, and you might have decided that they’re healthy interruptions, something to help you work. The truth is, studies have shown that when you’re interrupted, either by emails or instant messengers or something else, you will take an average of 23 minutes and 15 seconds to get back to task.

Wha-?

Did I read that right? 23 minutes and 15 seconds???

Yes, it’s true, according to this FastCompany’s article. Even if we assume that their findings are exaggerated, if you take an average of 15 minutes to get back to a task, and if you switch tasks every time you get an email and an instant message, that’s a whole lotta time you would have wasted! If you get interrupted 5 times by email and 10 times by instant messenger throughout your tasks, that’s 3 hours 45 minutes lost!

I have a colleague that made it a practice to only check and reply his emails 2 times a day. Once early in the morning when he reaches the office, and once at the end of the day before he leaves the office. It works for him, and who knows, it could work for you too.

Good luck!

Daily Tips: How to finish huge tasks

Do you have too much to do? Is your current task too big to finish? Does it seem insurmountable to finish it? Let me share with you what works for me in finishing my tasks.

If one day you find that you have too much work to do, just remember the following 3 magic words:

“Divide and conquer”.

Yes, that’s the best method that has worked for me in finishing big tasks. You chop the unmanageable big tasks into smaller tasks which are manageable, and complete the smaller tasks one by one until one day you realize, the big task is completed! It may sound simple, but trust me it works!

Using this method, although simple, helps you to finish your huge tasks not just directly, but indirectly. Once you chop the huge task into smaller pieces, you will feel that the task is do-able, and that’s a huge breakthrough! Once you realize that you can actually finish a task, you’ll feel driven and re-motivated to finish the task.

Also, by using this method, it ensures that you do not succumb into depression or get petrified and do nothing. That itself is more valuable than any other methods combined.

Good luck!

Daily Tips: How to ask dominantly

Have you always gotten a “No” for an answer? Do you find it difficult to get things your way? Whenever you ask for something, do you always prepare yourself that you might not get what you want?

Maybe you’ve been asking the wrong way.

The way you frame your questions or requests matter. You could ask for something in two different ways, and end up with two different results. Let me share with you what I learned early in my career.

I was at Melaka, and the company I was doing my internship at was having a team building session over the weekend. They flew people in from Hong Kong and Singapore, and there were activities and all, you know, play games, motivational talks, company presentation and boring stuffs like that.

And then it was time for dinner. We all went to the restaurant at 7pm, although the reservation was for 7.30pm. Someone asked me to ask the waiter if we can sit down first, but one of the senior managers stopped him and told me, “Don’t ask like that. Go tell the waiter that we have a dinner reservation and ask him where is our table.”

I was stunned. The same question, but asked in a different way.

The first, “Hi, we actually have a reservation at 7.30pm, and we’re wondering if we can sit first” gives the waiter an opportunity to say no, or say that he has to ask his manager first.

The second, “Hi, we have a dinner reservation. Where’s our table?” does not give the waiter any chance to say no at all, and forces him to show us our tables. Of course he may still say no, but with so little opportunity to say so without offending the customer, most of the time he will just do his job and show us the table, and if there’s no tables, prepare one for us.

See how asking the same question in a different manner gives different results? Just by framing your question differently, you position yourself in a dominant position, and this increases the chances of things coming your way.

Good luck!

Daily Tips: Be thorough and reduce your mistakes

It’s common to make mistakes. Everybody makes mistakes. You can’t eliminate mistakes, but you sure can reduce them.

When I was doing my internship, I was asked by a senior manager to upgrade her email client. Having possession of her laptop, I downloaded the install file, made copies of the email file archives and ran the upgrade installer.

To my horror, the laptop crashed during the install. When I restarted the machine again, her email client was screwed and I had to remove and perform a fresh installation.

After I recovered her email archive files – to my horror, again, I cannot find emails for the current month. All the backup had was emails up to last month, and I realized that I had only backed up her archives, not the folder storing the current yet unacted on emails. Dreading having to tell her the bad news, I summoned all courage and went up and told her that her emails for the current month was lost, explained what happened and prepared myself for the worst.

Instead of throwing something at me, she looked at me and said, “Next time, you need to be thorough. Be very very thorough and you won’t make mistakes like this.”

From then on, in nearly everything I do, I double check, probably even triple check the work that I do. And I find that most of the time I check, there would be something missing that I can correct before I complete and hand over the task. And I believe that because of this habit, it greatly reduced the mistakes that I did or could have done, and probably helped my career in some ways.

Lesson learned.

Daily Tips: How to escape a maze

Do you know how to get yourself out of a maze if one day you find yourself in one? In one episode of Amazing Race Asia 2, the participants had to explore a small maze and find a chest where the clue is hidden. The chests are sprawled all over the place.

I was hoping there would be someone who would methodically search for the chests, but sadly all of them ran all over the place randomly opening chests and trying to remember which ones they had opened and which ones they hadn’t. It may work in a smaller maze, but if it’s a bigger maze, they’re probably screwed, or even worse, trapped.

What is the best way of getting out of a maze? Simple, just take your hand and touch the side of the real wall of the maze. The tricky part here is, there are fake walls and real walls. The real walls of the maze are those that divides the maze and the outside. Now, just keep walking and keep your hand on the wall, never taking it off (imagining that your hand is at the wall works too if you’re afraid to touch the sides of a creepy maze) and never walking backwards. Just keep walking. If you keep at it, you’ll find the exit sooner or later.

Putting your hands at the side of the wall and keep walking ensures that you only pass by the wall once and just once (it has to be the real one! if it’s a fake one you may end up round and round around the fake walls). It may not be the shortest way to the exit from where you were standing, but randomly choosing a path isn’t the shortest way either. You could get lost and stuck there forever, so IMHO a methodical way, such as the one suggested above is the best.

Good luck!

P.S. The Amazing Race Asia 3 will premiere on 11 September 2008! Can’t wait!

Daily Tips: A wise advice about reacting in anger

How many of us has shot back in anger when we receive emails that anger us, or worse, emails that insult us? How many of us has written emails in anger, hitting the keyboard key after key, whispering “That’ll teach you!” under our breath and hit send and immediately felt guilty afterwards?

Too many.

I’ve done some of that myself in the past, and I wasn’t too proud of it. Almost always it didn’t solve anything, and whatever problem at hand could’ve been solved if I had acted more maturely instead.

This is an advice my boss told me before, which I practise until today:

“When you receive an email, SMS or news that you don’t like, don’t do anything. Just sit on it, sleep on it, and act tomorrow. If you still feel like shouting at the person tomorrow, then you shout. Just wait until tomorrow to do it.”

It is a good advice, because it allows me to cool down, and think clearly about the problem at hand instead of reacting to it. Now, if you are still angry tomorrow and you still think shouting at the person who sent it is still the right thing to do, then by all means pick up the phone and call and shout all you want. But once you practise this, you will find that almost always, you will not remain angry, and you will have done the right thing instead of lambasting at an innocent person or reveal that you’re unprofessional to parties that you would never have done under normal circumstances.

Good luck!