By: fallen angel

I think a lot of people are confuse between these two. Infatuated or in love?

When you have a love interest or someone who is physically attracted to, can you say that you are in love with this person? Maybe some people will say that they are in love. They are maybe captured by the other person’s appearance and charisma. But how well do you know this person? Do you know what characteristic this person have? Some may think they know cause it’s all in their head. But the reality is that they are just infatuated with this person.

Some people are dating and they are not in love or perhaps hope to fall in love later on as they get to know their each other more. The thing is how can you say your in love with someone you hardly know? I hear this a lot especially with people that is not very well experience in the dating world.

I’m sure some of you have similar experiences where by somehow when you get to the person more and you feel that it’s not who you have in mind. That is because you are just captured by that person’s appearance or charisma and you are infatuated with that person. Once you are infatuated with that person, you will try to impress that person and go out of your means to show that person you can accommodate. If everything works out well then congratulations! But still your not in love.

To be in love with someone is a feeling and some knowledge to some extend that both parties feel the same about each other. You may say that to love is to love unconditionally, but please, don’t go around and announce you are “in love” with Brad Pitt. On the other hand, Angelina Jolie can say that, because of obvious reasons. Being in love is not a one sided affair – that’s infatuation. Well… when you’re “in love” with someone but the other party isn’t “in love” with you, most probably you’re just infatuated. Have you thought about that before you fall in love with that someone? Some people can be dating for months or even years to realize that they are not in love with who they are with. They are just there just because the other party can accommodate to their own needs, or they are just in love with the idea of being in love. Yes it’s selfish, but then again you’re a big boy or a big girl, you make your own decisions.

The fact is, you can’t tell if you’re in love with a person or not. But, at the very least, you can tell if you’re not in love with a person and just infatuated.

If the person does not know you in person at all, you’re infatuated.

If the person does not return the love, not even a little bit, you’re infatuated.

I believe that love needs time to grow, like in the classic show “My Fair Lady”, when Higgins says the classic quote, “I’ve grown accustomed to her face”. There is no such thing as love at first sight, other than one – when a mother sees her newborn for the first time, and even then she has spent nine months cultivating the love.

Till next time…

I have to say as a girl I’m ashamed to say that some girls out there put us girls in a bad light. Look at it this way when you’re not interested, there’s no need to play games. If you are testing water with the guys, it has it’s limits. From testing waters it can turn into using the poor fella. What did he do to you that you have to break his heart later when you already know you are not interested. So it’s a thin line between “we’re just hanging out as friends” and “i’m using you, idiot”!

I’m a girl who doesn’t like the attention and the freebies that come along with the package. There are just some girls (i classified them as user) out there that has no limits to these actions. It can go beyond and over the hill and scrap the guys off their edges, and off their wallets. If you are the girl thinking… “why not? they are willing to do so.”, then i’m sorry to say you are nothing but a gold digging biatch and this post is not suitable for your reading. That is why guys out there should know when to stop pursuing otherwise you will be just another bait for a “user” and also sorry to say you asked for it.

Just friends

How to differentiate from just friends to being a user? It is all about the girls’ actions. If you know you are not interested in the guy, you should see less of him. Don’t hangout too much, chat and definitely not on a one to one outing. All these “negative” gestures will tell him that you are not interested but like to remain as friends. Eventually he will get the message because you did not implied that you were interested to begin with, you were just like any other friend. If he didn’t then he’s just one of those…………. I’ll leave a blank for you to fill in. You know what i mean.

User

The girl’s actions will lead the guy thinking that he stand a chance. As I mention earlier, attention with freebies is a good package. I’m sure if a guy had it he wouldn’t mind either. She will keep on sending mixed signals as in, when she’s bored she will ask him to go movies with her or accompany her for dinner, outings, etc. After all she needs someone to pass her boring days, what the cantonese call, “slide in between the hours.” After when she’s bored with you or she has a new love interest you will see less of her. She will be busy with someone else and your friendly time slot has expired. It was fun while it lasted, i didn’t do anything misleading after all you did all those things upon your own free will. Toodles!

For the fair hearted girls out there. If you want to be nice and don’t want to lead a guy on, re-think your actions.

Till next time…

There are some things i don’t seem to understand is when a guy already knows the girl is not interested, he still continues to pursue the girl and hope perhaps that she will change her mind later? If you asked me, i think it’s a load of crap. Once again, which part of the signal did the guy not understand? I’m beginning to sound longgg winded. She already indicated that she’s not interested but STILL he continues courting her.

Why? I don’t know i’m not a guy. Maybe some of the guys out there can answer my question.

To me it’s simply irritating. This is when the girl just want to shake a guy off and she’s unable to do so. That leaves her no choice but to be mean which is a difficult thing to do.

What it seems like the guy continues to pursue the girl and “hopes” that she will change her mind later. In some cases maybe, but in many cases it may not. If there’s an attraction and chemistry it should happen now and not later. Persisting will just make the girl repelled. It’s better to leave it the way it is at least you can still be friends. If you are wondering what if she’s interested in the future? No worries she will come back and initiate. What do you have to lose ?

What is your opinion? It’s good to hear from both sides and see what are your views.

For context refer:

Part 1: Is Your Head Stuck With The One You Like Or Should You Just Move On With The One That Likes You?

Usually when someone does not want to be with you they would just disappear and hope that you will eventually forget about them. My friend went on with her life but feel sad at the same time. It’s like getting over a break up. The thing that tick me off is that, she did not even have a relationship with him. This is what happens when you jump into the sack with someone so early and with the blink of an eye, they just dissapear. Guess what sister? they just want to get into your pants. Either you play them first or else you will get played by them. It’s just another game.

A few months passed and she met someone new. After a few weeks the guy show interest in her. But she was still thinking about the other guy. She tried giving the new guy a chance. They went on a date but she was still fickle minded. The guy treated her very well. Drive her everywhere, accompany her shopping, etc. She knew he would be the better guy to be with, but still she was still thinking about the bad boy.

The question was wondering in her head. Should she go with the one that treat her right or still wait for the one that’s lingering her? What if he came back? What if he is ready for a relationship? There were just so many questions unanswered. At the end of the day she reject the nice guy and decided to wait for the bad boy. Guess what happen?

Nothing! What was she waiting for? She really think that he will come back to her when he is ready? All those so call reasons he gave her was just another polite way of saying after sleeping with you i don’t want a relationship but it was nice while it lasted. It wasn’t a big loss as she did not find any chemistry with the nice guy.

If anyone had pass out a chance for a nice guy for a bad boy, in my opinion it is not worth it. The reality is, thinking and hoping the other party will come back for you is…… near to zero. Why not open you eyes and see who is in front of you and cherish that opportunity that is knocking at your door. It may not be someone that is up to your expectation but the least they are the one that is sincere

Till next time…

Sometime ago i remember my girl friend telling me about this guy she likes. She met him through her friends. They seldom talk as he was among his friends a brother like figure. Since they hang out with the same group of friends she sees him from time to time with just a hi at the beginning and a bye when she leaves. Until one day while having drinks at a bar he actually came and talk to her. Nothing much just a casual chat. After that night, she secretly fell for him. She didn’t know what happen, why all of a sudden she feel that way, it was because of that night, she got to know him a little better. While they were having drinks, she sees that his small gesture made her feel he was such a perfect gentleman. After that she admired him.

They started talking more often when they meet. Eventually became friendly and joke around. It was not as distant as before. Until one day while having drinks again they started flirting with each other. One thing lead to another, guess what happen? Ya……………………………………………….

They did it! This is what alcohol does to you. It could be the excuse, it also could be the reason. She woke up in his room and thought to herself, did i just became his girlfriend? She did not thought of it happening this way but she’s not complaining either. She likes him. After that, he send her home and told her he would call her later. 1 day 2 days, no call. She would text him but he would reply in wee hours in the morning telling her he was busy with work. She excepted it and of course wanted to be a understanding girlfriend.

I forgot how many days she waited. She would call me and tell me stories and will be over analyzing, giving excuses to him etc. After few weeks,it came across to her that, is he trying to avoid her. She saw him less and kept on saying that he has to travel a lot for work. It came clearer to her one day when he went to a company trip and said that they should have a talk after he return. She waited patiently for him. Finally that day came, he drove her out and they had the talk in his car. He told her that he was not ready for a relatonship (oldest trick in the book, c’mon!). There was a lot of things going in his life now that it’s not suitable for a relationship (2nd oldest trick in the book). He was sorry what he did that night and he was in the heat of the moment (he didn’t think of that when he wanted to get into her pants). After he cleared the air he drove her home. Left her heart broken, lost and feeling incredibly stupid.

This is longer than i thought and now i have to do a part 2. Sorry people, i’m really tired and i need to take a nap now. To be continue …

What happens when a guy make a improper comment on a date? The girl get offended and totally hate your ass. It is not that difficult to guess. What it seems to be, these days that guys are using a form of strategy call “negs”. It is a form of insult planted to lower the girl’s self esteem so that the guy can move in easier. Here’s an example: “Nice nails, are they real? No? Oh, well they’re nice anyway.” (Ugly Betty season 2, they also feature 1 episode with this strategy)

Recently my girl friend went on a so called date and she just had this experience. She was out with him for lunch and having a casual conversation, out of no where all of a sudden the guy just said to her “you are fat.” She was like, what? Why would he just make such a improper comment out of no where. She just smile it off and say oh ya… put on a little weight lately (she’s still far from fat, i can vouch for that). As the lunch continues, he make another comment saying that her jaw was big, she had chubby cheeks. My friend was totally pissed and felt so insulted. My friend is a smart attractive girl and it’s not someone you can easily ask out. She was thinking to herself, what is this guy trying to do? After that he was trying to be cute and said she look like a cupcake! Haha! it was the wrong thing to say. He must have thought it was cute to call her cupcake. But all she thought was, now you think i’m round and fat but cute like a cupcake. OH NO! not this way you don’t. After lunch he wanted to walk her back to her office, and she couldn’t shake him off. While passing by the bathroom she said, she needed to use the ladies and she was going to be long, see ya!

Needless to say had a terrible lunch. The comment had bothered her. How can you tell a girl that she was fat. Especially on a date. If he was using the insult to get the girl, well…. he used it on the wrong girl. Did he get her attention? Yes he did, and she just hated his ass. After that, he tried to text her, called her, she totally ignored him. Until now she has not accept or return any of his calls. His last message was, he apologize to her saying if he had said anything that offended her he’s sorry. Well… it’s too late. Sometimes people just get 1 chance and he had to mess it up. Before this, they were talking to each other on the phone  and when she finally decided to go on a date with him, this is what she sees. Someone she does not want to continue seeing.

Dates are for both parties to get to know each other. Maybe if there’s a possibility of furthering the relationship. I guess some people just don’t have respect for it. Oh well, it was just a short lunch not exactly a date date. It was the longest lunch she ever had. My advice, always settle with tea first if you are not sure if you can stand this person. Lunch if you are casual friends with the guy (at least it’s just an hour). Dinner if it’s someone you are interested in.

So guys, whatever strategy you have up your sleeves better think twice before doing it. Not all girls will fall for it. Especially not attractive and smart girls. Put the insult aside, to me it’s just plain manners.

Till next time…

For context, refer to Part 1: She Says, I Like You But Only As A Friend

What have i learn after this experience? I then realize that you can’t be just a good friend to a guy. Eventually they will start to have feelings for you. Guys will easily misunderstood your actions. As a girl, i thought it was just normal. I mean this is how we are. Isn’t that why girls always hang with a bunch of girls. When it comes to a guy it’s different. Just can’t treat a guy like the way you would treat your girl friends. When you start to think it’s too good to be true, it probably is

I remember once my guy friend told me, there is no such thing as a girl guy best friend if the guy has no intentions. I disagree with him at that time, and told him not all guys are like that (i was naive at that time). Till now, some people still think the same. But the thing is there’s some truth to that. Let’s analyze this:

When a guy is always trying to make plans with you, he is not just your best friend. He might just make it as if he just happen to be around the area so that he can visit you or he was free to accompany you to do your boring stuff but in fact he took leave to do it. For us girls, we only see what’s on the surface and believe what we see and hear. If he say’s he’s free, then he’s free. Why want to think so far. On the other hand, for the guys this is their stragtegy to get the girl. There’s nothing wrong with that. But if the girl is not interested,

It has happen to me many times until i finally realize that i have to stop doing what i was doing. I wasn’t aware of it all. As hard as it may seem, when i finally confront my guy friend, i felt relieved. I wasn’t thinking i wanted free dinners, movies, gifts etc. I thought all along he was just my good friend. But when both parties have different perception things are visualize differently. You can’t treat a guy like you treat your girl friends. There’s no free lunch either girls.

Guys still can be your good friend…

I’m not saying that guys can’t be a girl’s best friend, it has it’s limits. I’m still good friends with a couple of guys. Our friendship is different. It’s nothing like what i’ve experience before. We chat, but not constantly. We only meet up once awhile and if your in a relationship both parties will bring their other half. I have a guy friend that will tag along with me and my bf when we go salsa or other events together. We even went to a party together when my bf was sick and we already bought the tickets. No doubt he knows my bf, but he’s closer to me. At times when he was feeling lonely his gf is not around he would talk to me about his stuff.  My bf did say that, all these actions are fine till a certain extend.Things like that are still normal. It is just not normal when a guy is so into the things that you are doing. As if he was trying to interrogate your life. Girl’s it’s time to wake up and smell the coffee. It’s not as innocent as it seems.

For the girls, if your guy friend is acting like me, if they like you just as a friend their actions are probably just the same as mine. They too won’t put much effort and time into what you are doing. They would be spending their time with the ones they are interested. Mostly likely to catch up with you once awhile. So girls if you are wondering if your guy friend is interested, you better think again.

My last note is, when you don’t feel the same it’s better to let them know early than later. There is no point dragging it just because you feel bad. I prefer to maintain the friendship than lose a friend. Suck it up and face the music, after all he needs to know. I may have broken a few hearts in the past, but i guess they respect my decision and that is why until this day… they are still my friends.

Till next time…

All of us must have encounter embarrassment at some point of our lives. What could be more embarrassing when it comes to someone you like? Looking back, you must wonder what was i thinking? Hope that no one knows or even notice.

It is not that difficult to save yourself. I think what most people are missing is that, they are not sensitive enough to understand simple signs that is given. When the opposite sex gives an excuse, take it from the face value. Don’t ask why or pre plan the dates before hand. Wait for them to offer back, after all they are the one that’s giving the excuse. If they are blowing you off, there is no point of initiating more. The person might get frustrated and just give it to you in the face. Worst of all, if there is people around. That is real embarrassment!

Be alert before initiating anything. Whether asking for a date, dinner, outing, movie, concerts, etc. Especially not in front of people. Ask yourself how does this person feel about you? If you are not 90% sure if it’s going to be a yes, opt for a group outing instead. I know this is not your plan, but at least both of you will get to know each other better. It’s casual, we’re friends doing something together. After awhile the person most likely to be more comfortable with you and your chances of asking her out is easier.

I have a rule that i believe in, 3 strikes and your’e OUT! Why ?

This is why being alert is important and able to understand the signs. Most guys like to give excuses or believe what the girl say’s is real. Simply because the guys want to believe there is still hope. Maybe it is, maybe it’s not, but the point is that she’s not out with you. As i mention in my earlier post that girls are always polite. They would say the most polite things to reject a guy, because it is not nice to always say no without an excuse. To some extend the girl would even go out once with the guy so that he can stop asking. The reality is that the girl just want the guy to stop. What the girl is actually thinking is that, ok we went out nothing interesting now you can stop asking. Sometimes the guys just don’t get it, they would continue and initiate. Depending how much the guy is initiating, the girl might just get frustrated and just say something mean one day. Leaves a awkward situation and a awkward feeling between the 2 of you. Not a pretty sight. It’s an embarrassment between you and her.

After understanding the signs/rules whatever you want to call it, know when to stop initiating before you get the shut down. What i’ve mention about is actually a fact, it has happen me and to few of my girl friends. Just another girl’s perspective

Till next time…