By: fallen angel

For context, refer to Part 1: She Says, I Like You But Only As A Friend

What have i learn after this experience? I then realize that you can’t be just a good friend to a guy. Eventually they will start to have feelings for you. Guys will easily misunderstood your actions. As a girl, i thought it was just normal. I mean this is how we are. Isn’t that why girls always hang with a bunch of girls. When it comes to a guy it’s different. Just can’t treat a guy like the way you would treat your girl friends. When you start to think it’s too good to be true, it probably is

I remember once my guy friend told me, there is no such thing as a girl guy best friend if the guy has no intentions. I disagree with him at that time, and told him not all guys are like that (i was naive at that time). Till now, some people still think the same. But the thing is there’s some truth to that. Let’s analyze this:

When a guy is always trying to make plans with you, he is not just your best friend. He might just make it as if he just happen to be around the area so that he can visit you or he was free to accompany you to do your boring stuff but in fact he took leave to do it. For us girls, we only see what’s on the surface and believe what we see and hear. If he say’s he’s free, then he’s free. Why want to think so far. On the other hand, for the guys this is their stragtegy to get the girl. There’s nothing wrong with that. But if the girl is not interested,

It has happen to me many times until i finally realize that i have to stop doing what i was doing. I wasn’t aware of it all. As hard as it may seem, when i finally confront my guy friend, i felt relieved. I wasn’t thinking i wanted free dinners, movies, gifts etc. I thought all along he was just my good friend. But when both parties have different perception things are visualize differently. You can’t treat a guy like you treat your girl friends. There’s no free lunch either girls.

Guys still can be your good friend…

I’m not saying that guys can’t be a girl’s best friend, it has it’s limits. I’m still good friends with a couple of guys. Our friendship is different. It’s nothing like what i’ve experience before. We chat, but not constantly. We only meet up once awhile and if your in a relationship both parties will bring their other half. I have a guy friend that will tag along with me and my bf when we go salsa or other events together. We even went to a party together when my bf was sick and we already bought the tickets. No doubt he knows my bf, but he’s closer to me. At times when he was feeling lonely his gf is not around he would talk to me about his stuff.  My bf did say that, all these actions are fine till a certain extend.Things like that are still normal. It is just not normal when a guy is so into the things that you are doing. As if he was trying to interrogate your life. Girl’s it’s time to wake up and smell the coffee. It’s not as innocent as it seems.

For the girls, if your guy friend is acting like me, if they like you just as a friend their actions are probably just the same as mine. They too won’t put much effort and time into what you are doing. They would be spending their time with the ones they are interested. Mostly likely to catch up with you once awhile. So girls if you are wondering if your guy friend is interested, you better think again.

My last note is, when you don’t feel the same it’s better to let them know early than later. There is no point dragging it just because you feel bad. I prefer to maintain the friendship than lose a friend. Suck it up and face the music, after all he needs to know. I may have broken a few hearts in the past, but i guess they respect my decision and that is why until this day… they are still my friends.

Till next time…

All of us must have encounter embarrassment at some point of our lives. What could be more embarrassing when it comes to someone you like? Looking back, you must wonder what was i thinking? Hope that no one knows or even notice.

It is not that difficult to save yourself. I think what most people are missing is that, they are not sensitive enough to understand simple signs that is given. When the opposite sex gives an excuse, take it from the face value. Don’t ask why or pre plan the dates before hand. Wait for them to offer back, after all they are the one that’s giving the excuse. If they are blowing you off, there is no point of initiating more. The person might get frustrated and just give it to you in the face. Worst of all, if there is people around. That is real embarrassment!

Be alert before initiating anything. Whether asking for a date, dinner, outing, movie, concerts, etc. Especially not in front of people. Ask yourself how does this person feel about you? If you are not 90% sure if it’s going to be a yes, opt for a group outing instead. I know this is not your plan, but at least both of you will get to know each other better. It’s casual, we’re friends doing something together. After awhile the person most likely to be more comfortable with you and your chances of asking her out is easier.

I have a rule that i believe in, 3 strikes and your’e OUT! Why ?

This is why being alert is important and able to understand the signs. Most guys like to give excuses or believe what the girl say’s is real. Simply because the guys want to believe there is still hope. Maybe it is, maybe it’s not, but the point is that she’s not out with you. As i mention in my earlier post that girls are always polite. They would say the most polite things to reject a guy, because it is not nice to always say no without an excuse. To some extend the girl would even go out once with the guy so that he can stop asking. The reality is that the girl just want the guy to stop. What the girl is actually thinking is that, ok we went out nothing interesting now you can stop asking. Sometimes the guys just don’t get it, they would continue and initiate. Depending how much the guy is initiating, the girl might just get frustrated and just say something mean one day. Leaves a awkward situation and a awkward feeling between the 2 of you. Not a pretty sight. It’s an embarrassment between you and her.

After understanding the signs/rules whatever you want to call it, know when to stop initiating before you get the shut down. What i’ve mention about is actually a fact, it has happen me and to few of my girl friends. Just another girl’s perspective

Till next time…

Doesn’t it make you wonder sometimes, what does she mean when she says…

• I’m not ready for a relationship (yet). Sometimes it will come with a YET at the back. Why? If there’s a yet at the back, she’s leaving space for herself  in case she changes her mind. If there’s no yet at the back. Basically she’s just blowing you off. This is the most humble way of saying “get lost jerk, i’m not into you.” Before you know it, she’s holding hands with another guy.
  
• Right now it’s not the right time a lot of things is going on in my life. Ya, obviously you are not in it. She does not want to include you in her life. You have not been shortlisted. Before you know it, she’s holding hands with another guy.
• I’ll call you. There’s a silence in your phone for awhile. You tried calling yourself to ensure that your cell is working. And you wonder why hasn’t she called yet? She hope that you will get the point when there is no respond, she will fade away. She don’t even have to give an excuse for this! Before you know it, she’s holding hands with another guy.
• I don’t want to jeopardize our friendship. She just treat you as a friend man. She just can’t imagine herself kissing you, ewww! Before you know it, she’s holding hands with another guy.
• You’re a nice guy, i don’t deserve to be with you. Does this make sense to you? Self deprecating, works wonders. She just want you to pity her. She’s been a bad girl and you are just too good to be with her.
• You’re like a brother to me. Oldest excuse of them all, and the worst one of them all. Now you have to be related to her? The last time you check your blood type, i’m pretty sure you are not related. I guess she has to find someone that has a different blood type. Before you know it, she’s holding hands with another guy.
• I need to be alone now. Ya, alone meaning 1 person. Not that difficult to understand. You did not make it on her list. Before you know it, she’s holding hands with another guy.
• I’m not over my ex. Does this reason really matter? Doesn’t matter if it’s true or not you would not want to be a substitute (rebound guy). She probably is NOT over her ex yet. It’s a good reason to turn you down. She seems like she’s still heart broken. Before you know it, she’s holding hands with another guy.
• I don’t want to be attached (enjoying single life). This is probably real. Straight forward. You have not capture her heart. Trust me, she will be attached once she find someone she likes. Before you know it, she’s holding hands with another guy.
• I’m seeing someone. Ya right, so….. she forgot to tell you. She may dig one guy out to pretend to be her bf just to show you she’s not available. Pretty straight forward, you don’t need to know if it’s real or not. She took effort to do all that. At least pretend you believe her. Before you know it, she’s holding hands with another guy in this case it could be the same guy.

Coming from a girl, i have use all of the excuses above, and all the excuses has been used on my guy friends. All the excuses above can be use on a girl as well. To all my home girls out there, watch out it’s all the same. All i have to say is people, have some pride and just move on! I can tell you, people that likes you, interested, adore you, however you want to say it, will not give excuses to you. Especially NOT during courting time. They can start giving excuses when they are already dating you!

Pa

I remember back in the days when this guy was courting me. It started off talking online everyday, even during working hours. Both of our company was online friendly. Everyday i would see him online during our working hours. As time pass, we became good friends. We talk about everything, just like what best friends would talk about. Little did i know, he started to have feelings for me. He started sending me flowers and he don’t even live in the same country as me (neighbor country). To me at that time it was a act of sympathy cause i was going through a rough time in my life. So it was something to cheer me up. He would surprise me with flowers and send it to my office. The flowers would be my favourite colors, and the name of the bouquet is call angel. How sweet, but i never thought of him courting me at that time. All of his actions was nothing but just another best friend (which is a guy) lending a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on. Although i know he adores me in some ways but i have never though of him in a romantic way.

Why?

I guess he’s too much of a friend. He’s like a girl friend i never had. We talk about our problems at work, interest, hobbies, fashion, hand phones, notebook, shoes, jewelry, ipods (he bought 1), i can go on and on but you get the point. To me we were nothing except for best friend. I don’t have that chemistry he had of me. I guess whatever he was feeling for me was only 1 sided. I guess i was flatter at times when he send me flowers, call me to chit chat or whatever things that he did was thoughtful. We met up a couple of times, and our hanging out sessions are great. He would take me to great restaurant, cool clubs, great shopping places, cafe’s etc. We always have a good time. We had a lot of things in common. Still… no chemistry.

The truth

As time goes by, finally when i realize that he’s not just treating me as a best friend but has other intentions. I have decided to tell him the truth. I had to let him down. It was not a easy thing to do and it’s sad cause i know i will be losing a best friend. After days and nights of thinking the right words to tell him without feeling being cruel. In my heart i know it’s the right thing to do. I do not want to lead someone on. Especially a nice guy like him.

I don’t want to beat around the bush. In the most polite way i said to him, “i hope you are not  too attached to me, i only like you as a friend.” I cherish our friendship and would not want to change that. Knowing him, i know he would say, “oh no of course not.” Exactly what i have expected. I broke the news to him online, during one of our daily chat. The next day, as usual i see him online, but he was rather quiet. I thought it would be good for us to chill out for awhile. He needs to gather his thoughts and except the facts. After all we were pretty close. We did exchange a few sentences and said that we were both having a busy day, and we left it at that. Throughout the whole week i can feel the tension between us. We barely said anything to each other and claim that we were busy with work.

Accepting friendship

One week later, he started to talk to message me. We started chatting like last time all over again, Since we seldom talk last week, there’s so much to catch up. I guess he needs time to accept our friendship and to feel detached from me. We didn’t talk about the issue at all, more or less burried between us. But he did come by indicating that he except that we are best friends and would not want anything to get into our way of our friendship.

We remain as good friends until now but we seldom talk like last time anymore. Reason? We have move on with our lives. There is no point putting so much attention to someone that does not like you. Although it was fun but he has to know he needs to put the attention to someone else.  He has to meet someone new and move on with his life. You can’t continue to be attracted to someone, when that someone is not attracted to you. That is why i made it very clear to him that we are nothing more than just “friends.” Then he can look at me in a different angle, not as his love interest. It is not right to lead someone on if you don’t like them. At least at the end both can still remain friends.

Stay tune as the story continues…

Date

In most western countries, going on a date means having dinner maybe a movie after that. There’s nothing more than a night of getting to know someone and to determine if you want to “see” this person again. What determines a “date” you may asked?. When someone from either sex ask for dinner or to do a activity alone with you or in a group, considers as “dating“. When you have a date, meaning there’s just the 2 of you. You can have a few dates for a continuation whether if you want to see this person on a regular basis. Of course you can also have other dates with other people too and vice versa. Most girls like to go on different dates, to have better judgment on which guy is more suitable for her. Dating is the funnest part of all. The guys will shower the girls in fancy dinner’s, flowers, gifts etc. For the guys, be careful what you are getting into. There are so many types of girls out there, not sure what you are looking for, but at times have to pay the price for your actions.

Seeing

From dating graduates into seeing each other. It means the both of you are seeing each other on a regular basis. At the same time both parties can be seeing other people as well. You are still on a trial basis, both parties can stop seeing each other as well.  When the 2 of you are more comfortable and decided to move ahead, you will be graduating into going steady.

Steady

When you are at this stage, you are consider boyfriend and girlfriend. Probation period is over and both parties are comfortable with each other and ready to move on to a monogamous relationship. It can take weeks to months to go steady with someone. For some people, they have not move so far ahead. This is going into a serious relationship. Not everyone is ready for a commitment. Some people would just like to have some fun and stay at the “seeing” stage.

Sex

When is the right time to initiate sex?. Anytime, BUT how would your relationship go after that?. What plans or what intentions do you have for this person?. If you are out to have some fun and both parties are ok with it then by all means. You would have to think about the questions above, because after having intimacy, the relationship will change.

I find it funny here in Asia where by people here skip the seeing part. Once you’re on a date with someone it’s like you are going steady with them. There is no change to consider at all. It makes going on a date with someone difficult. Before you know it this dude is calling u 24/7 asking u why didn’t you call, or what are you doing. Dude didn’t know the gal is ignoring him cause she want out. She has no chance to turn him down. At times, guys just react too fast to too little things. Most of the time, girls are just testing waters. Go on a date with a guy to get to know him more but doesn’t mean she’s attached to him after 1 date.

Till next time…

Source: Wikipedia

Inspired by the hit series “Ugly Betty” season 2, i like to talk about this problem which i think a lot of guys do not know. If you have finish watching the show like i did, you would understand why this is a un-resolved problem.

A lot of times after a girl breaks up with her boyfriend there come a friend (guy) with his shoulder for her to cry on. Who is this guy?. Usually a good friend or just a friend. They comfort you, try to make you smile, do everything that’s possible so you would heal from the break up. Where’s the catch? Ya… there’s a catch. After you are “over” with your ex, possibly you can consider the new beau that was with in your time of need. It is sad to say, but a lot of guys actually do that. I have to give credit to the guys cause it takes a lot of patience and understanding. On top of that it doesn’t guarantee the girl will be with you after she’s over the ex.

What you can do is, still be her friend so that you would know if she’s ready to move on or just want to have some fun. Most of the time when someone is on a “rebound” they tend to fall for someone very fast cause they crave for that feeling again. Very subjective here, unless you too are a player, then you won’t need to read this. I’m sure you have lot’s of experience . Moving on, since the 2 of you are already close friends or at least friends, you want to show her that you are there not just as a good friend but someone she can count on, someone serious . That is why you should be careful with the “friend zone” (read this in the earlier post). Give her space and drop hints that you are someone she can think of you in a romantic way. I have 1 good example: imagine this, think 1 of your good friend (girl) she’s like a sister to you or a really good friend that you tell all your secrets to. And then 1 day you tell her you love her. What do you think her reaction is gonna be ?. She’s gonna be in the stage of shock. “I can’t sleep with my friend i know for so long”. “It’ll jeopardize our friendship”. You’ve just made the situation complicated. BUT if you simply maintain a casual friendship and hopefully develop chemistry throughout, things may turn out to be different.

The rebound guy

If you are that guy, during her break up time and she was feeling needy and you were there for her, you are just going to be the rebound guy. She just want to get over her break up. She doesn’t know what she wants at the moment. You will end up being just another guy that’s feeding her neediness. She would actually feel like you are the substitute. Before you know it, she would start to tell you that you are not suitable for her and tons of reasons why. At that stage, she is not really over the ex yet. She’s on a “rebound”, she just need someone to fall on, like a soft pillow to ensure she’s not hurt but when she’s able to stand on her own she’ll be flying out of your arms. Unless you don’t mind being the rebound guy, you can go ahead with whatever persistent actions you have in mind. Just be cautious, a lot of people can do silly things when it comes to matters of the heart.

The “GUY”

In my opinion, if you really want to be the guy, you gotta let her go. Let her get over the break up herself. Or simply let her get a rebound guy or maybe not. Well it’s risk whether you want to take or not. Watch Ugly Betty, Gio can teach a lesson or 2. There is no need to rush things, if she’s interested she would definitely be there. But if she’s not, no matter what you do it’s just not gonna happen. Some of you may think, she’s not interested now, maybe later. Hmm… i’ll say at this stage, i don’t know how late you can wait. I don’t think she’s waiting for anyone. She will get over her ex on her own and move on. If she sees you in the future, you are going to be like someone she just met. Someone she can have a date with. Someone she can start to enjoy the company and perhaps start a relationship with . You get the idea. If you want a better picture, just watch Ugly Betty

• Boyfriend says: Point is, if you like a girl and she’s going through a break up, don’t be her girlfriend and listen to her sob stories. That is what her girlfriends are for, not you. You are there to bring sunshine to her life, not helping her to re-live her misery by listening all night long about how cruel her ex were, what shit he got into, what did he do wrong etc. No sir, ignore all that and focus on having fun. Ignore the irrelevant stuffs (her sob stories.. try zoning out and switch topic, it works) and focus on showing her how much fun she can have with you.

Till next time…

I have a lot of friends asking me for hmm…. what should i call it? relationship advice? Nop, they are not even in a relationship. Well.. ok just advice about girls. I think most people either give out mix signals or receiving the wrong signal. But whatever it is, i hope people read the signal right. If not you will end up in in a awkward situation or even worst with embarrassment. Bear in mind if it doesn’t work out, you can still be friends.

Actions that turn you down

• If a girl says no or turn your offer down, “maybe next time”. Meaning she’s just being polite doesn’t really mean she’s waiting for the next time to come. It’s just another polite way of “turning you down”. If she’s really bz cause she can’t make it, she will call you and re-schedule another outing with you and plan which day that she is free. Your offer should not exceed 3 times. Best would be 2 and strike 3 you are out. You don’t have to keep on asking her. Major turn off.
  • Boyfriend says: From a guy’s perspective, if she doesn’t reply or counter-invite with a different day by the third time, throw her number into the toilet bowl and flush. Literally. It’s feels good knowing where her number is going.
• When she do not answer your messages or calls, get the message she is not answering meaning she’s not interested. That is not difficult. Don’t give excuses for her as if she was bz. If she was bz, she will return the call or messages within 1 hr. Not in 5 hrs time or tomorrow. Which means you are no one important just someone she does not want to entertain.
  • Boyfriend says: Guys, you should be the one doing this, not her. You’re “busy” all the time, even if you’re twiddling your thumbs waiting for someone to ask you out. Remember that!
• When hanging out with a group of girls, and 1 of the girl says, we should hang out 1 day doesn’t mean she’s interested. She could have just like hanging out with you cause she is lifeless too. Or just get to know you. She can’t determine that she likes you yet. But she’s willing to find out more. Don’t get too excited, who knows she might just be using you for free breakfast, lunches, dinners, suppers, entrance fee to a club or movies.
  • Boyfriend says: There is a lot of ways/guides out there to find out if a girl is a user, so I’m not going to write too much about that. Just be cautioned about that. Keep both of your eyes and ears open for these girls and STAY AWAY.
• The most important point of all is…… when there’s no respond, guess what? YUP! no respond, what else is there to think ? no excuse, nothing, HELLO didn’t you get the message yet? It’s time to move on…. don’t waste anytime anymore. That is why always keep a neutral mindset.
  • Boyfriend says: To make this easier to swallow than “there’s a lot of fishes out there”, just treat it like it’s a numbers game. If your odds of finding a girl that is interested in you is 1/100, you don’t press your luck (and go on full force) with one girl and hope that she’s your 1 in a 100, only to be dejected later when you find out that she’s not (after all the flowers and dinner invites and the movie outings and the “i’m not ready for a relationship yet but you find her holding hands with a guy next week” experience. Trust me, you don’t want to go through that. And the problem with pressing your luck is, you ruin your chances with that girl in the future. I mean, who knows what’s going to happen in the future, right? Play it cool and don’t bother so much whether she replies that SMS or not.

Girls can’t determain whether she likes you or not without actually knowing you beforehand. Major no no is don’t ever come on too strong too quickly. It just scares the girl away. Ya.. we’re gentle creature, we get scared easily. Actions that says i’m coming on strong are anything that appear too straight forward. I’ll give a few examples. Like, sending flowers, poetry, buying gifts (doesn’t matter if it’s expensive or not). It shows that you are giving the girl 100% or 110% of your attention that i like you. These are pretty straight forward actions that pretty much scares a girl without HER getting to know you first, in case she wasn’t interested in the first place. It may leave her with ok.. i’m not interested and give her a chance to just turn you down straight away. The key thing is, to keep it casual.

Boyfriend says: I dunno.. IMHO coming on strong works for certain types of girls.. so it depends.. Like what fallen angel says earlier, learn to read the signals right!

Till next time…