Guys, can’t get a girl? Have you had a reality check? part 2

August 6th, 2011 Posted in Just stuff
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Please read part 1 before continuing reading this.

Keeping it real

Target your potential partner that’s in the same level as you. You don’t want to go for a hot chick when you are not a very attractive person. Very simple, you can’t get Angelina Jolie unless you are Brad Pitt. Keep it realistic. Go for girl next door, simple, nice and sweet not necessary hot and smolder looking.

Show personality

I know lot’s of mediocre guys that has great personality. Girls love a sense of humor, try to win them over with your personality. Of course it has to be you and not pretending to be funny.

Have fun and take it slow. Every relationship start off as a friendship don’t rush into things and don’t be over friendly. Get to know each other and see if the friendship can turn into something more. If you feel she’s pulling away rather than moving along with you, take a step back and ask yourself, maybe she’s not interested. Don’t dwell in it or lie to yourself. At the end of the day you are the only one that’s going to feel hurt.

I have a few friends that are in their 30′s and still dwell in it and no one dare to tell them anything, cause no one want to hurt their feelings. Or some just settle for someone because they don’t want to be lonely.

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Guys, can’t get a girl? Have you had a reality check? part 1

August 2nd, 2011 Posted in Just stuff
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A lot of people….. well some of them are my friends always complaint about how they can’t get a girl. They have 101 reasons of why they can’t get a girl and think that they are making the right moves. But the fact is….. they are making all the wrong moves and have not had a reality check for awhile.

If you are one of those guys like Henry on Ugly Betty, smart, financially stable, nice, sweet, thoughtful and can’t understand why you are still single then there’s a problem.

First of let me say that all guys out there has all the qualities that i mention above, whether it’s true or not it’s another thing. When you meet your potential girl all guys will want to look like someone you want to bring home to your mom. Whether the motives are just want to sleep with you or not is another thing. Basically what I’m saying that you are no different then anyone other guy out there.

The question is why can’t you get the girl you want? Reality check:

Looks

Yes it’s a lame world and everyone want a good looking girl or a guy. I’m not saying that ugly guy or girl can’t get a date but is your potential candidate at the same level as you. I know i can sound a little harsh but it’s the fact.

 Penny and Leonard (Big Bang Theory)

Yes everyone has this little dream in their head and hope that they can be like Leonard and find a Penny. I’m not saying you can’t but the chances are slim. If you really want to fall in love or find someone that will like you for who you are then you need to know what works for you and not a imaginary vision of a woman. For all you know the pretty girl might just use you and dump you later on, i’m sure you’ve heard of that.

Over confident because you are financially stable, have a good steady job

A lot of guys out there in this day and age thinks that having a good job, a good position and financially stable pretty girls will be flying in like birds. Well… this also mean that you have a snobbish characteristic that you might not have notice that turns people off. You might not have notice but other people do. This goes down to…

Personality

Bragging and showing off will also put off some girls. You might think well that’s what the pretty girls like. Yeah… but are they the good pretty girls you want. If you want a pretty one night stand go head buy her a LV bag. You know what i’m trying to say here.

Another type i can’t stand is courting the girl like when you are in high school. C’mon how old are you now? not in high school anymore. Writing poems, putting sand in a bottle, etc. You might think it’s sweet but it’s just childish. In fact it might creep the girl out. The girl might not tell you but from a friend, and later you find out that she’s always too busy to pick up your calls or even talk to you on Facebook :P

Be yourself, don’t be who you are not

If you can’t afford a fancy restaurant suggest some place like a cafe which is comfortable for both of you. I’m sure she won’t mind if she already agree on going out with you. I’m pretty sure she won’t mind. A casual place makes it less formal and a relaxing environment. Don’t pretend that you have the same interest when you don’t. You will be just cheating yourself and her. If the friendship goes further and she will eventually find out then she will feel cheated too. You will be going out the door.

I know this post is going to be long, don’t want to bore you guys so moving on to part 2

But at the meantime really think about it….

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Are You Infatuated Or Are You In Love?

October 7th, 2008 Posted in Just stuff
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I think a lot of people are confuse between these two. Infatuated or in love?

When you have a love interest or someone who is physically attracted to, can you say that you are in love with this person? Maybe some people will say that they are in love. They are maybe captured by the other person’s appearance and charisma. But how well do you know this person? Do you know what characteristic this person have? Some may think they know cause it’s all in their head. But the reality is that they are just infatuated with this person.

Some people are dating and they are not in love or perhaps hope to fall in love later on as they get to know their each other more. The thing is how can you say your in love with someone you hardly know? I hear this a lot especially with people that is not very well experience in the dating world.

I’m sure some of you have similar experiences where by somehow when you get to the person more and you feel that it’s not who you have in mind. That is because you are just captured by that person’s appearance or charisma and you are infatuated with that person. Once you are infatuated with that person, you will try to impress that person and go out of your means to show that person you can accommodate. If everything works out well then congratulations! But still your not in love.

To be in love with someone is a feeling and some knowledge to some extend that both parties feel the same about each other. You may say that to love is to love unconditionally, but please, don’t go around and announce you are “in love” with Brad Pitt. On the other hand, Angelina Jolie can say that, because of obvious reasons. Being in love is not a one sided affair – that’s infatuation. Well… when you’re “in love” with someone but the other party isn’t “in love” with you, most probably you’re just infatuated. Have you thought about that before you fall in love with that someone? Some people can be dating for months or even years to realize that they are not in love with who they are with. They are just there just because the other party can accommodate to their own needs, or they are just in love with the idea of being in love. Yes it’s selfish, but then again you’re a big boy or a big girl, you make your own decisions.

The fact is, you can’t tell if you’re in love with a person or not. But, at the very least, you can tell if you’re not in love with a person and just infatuated.

If the person does not know you in person at all, you’re infatuated.

If the person does not return the love, not even a little bit, you’re infatuated.

I believe that love needs time to grow, like in the classic show “My Fair Lady”, when Higgins says the classic quote, “I’ve grown accustomed to her face”. There is no such thing as love at first sight, other than one – when a mother sees her newborn for the first time, and even then she has spent nine months cultivating the love.

Till next time…

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Girls Should Not Lead Guys On

September 9th, 2008 Posted in Just stuff
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I have to say as a girl I’m ashamed to say that some girls out there put us girls in a bad light. Look at it this way when you’re not interested, there’s no need to play games. If you are testing water with the guys, it has it’s limits. From testing waters it can turn into using the poor fella. What did he do to you that you have to break his heart later when you already know you are not interested. So it’s a thin line between “we’re just hanging out as friends” and “i’m using you, idiot”!

I’m a girl who doesn’t like the attention and the freebies that come along with the package. There are just some girls (i classified them as user) out there that has no limits to these actions. It can go beyond and over the hill and scrap the guys off their edges, and off their wallets. If you are the girl thinking… “why not? they are willing to do so.”, then i’m sorry to say you are nothing but a gold digging biatch and this post is not suitable for your reading. That is why guys out there should know when to stop pursuing otherwise you will be just another bait for a “user” and also sorry to say you asked for it.

Just friends

How to differentiate from just friends to being a user? It is all about the girls’ actions. If you know you are not interested in the guy, you should see less of him. Don’t hangout too much, chat and definitely not on a one to one outing. All these “negative” gestures will tell him that you are not interested but like to remain as friends. Eventually he will get the message because you did not implied that you were interested to begin with, you were just like any other friend. If he didn’t then he’s just one of those…………. I’ll leave a blank for you to fill in. You know what i mean.

User

The girl’s actions will lead the guy thinking that he stand a chance. As I mention earlier, attention with freebies is a good package. I’m sure if a guy had it he wouldn’t mind either. She will keep on sending mixed signals as in, when she’s bored she will ask him to go movies with her or accompany her for dinner, outings, etc. After all she needs someone to pass her boring days, what the cantonese call, “slide in between the hours.” After when she’s bored with you or she has a new love interest you will see less of her. She will be busy with someone else and your friendly time slot has expired. It was fun while it lasted, i didn’t do anything misleading after all you did all those things upon your own free will. Toodles!

For the fair hearted girls out there. If you want to be nice and don’t want to lead a guy on, re-think your actions.

Till next time…

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Why Do Guys Still Persist When The Girl Indicated She’s Not Interested?

September 4th, 2008 Posted in Just stuff
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There are some things i don’t seem to understand is when a guy already knows the girl is not interested, he still continues to pursue the girl and hope perhaps that she will change her mind later? If you asked me, i think it’s a load of crap. Once again, which part of the signal did the guy not understand? I’m beginning to sound longgg winded. She already indicated that she’s not interested but STILL he continues courting her.

Why? I don’t know i’m not a guy. Maybe some of the guys out there can answer my question.

To me it’s simply irritating. This is when the girl just want to shake a guy off and she’s unable to do so. That leaves her no choice but to be mean which is a difficult thing to do.

What it seems like the guy continues to pursue the girl and “hopes” that she will change her mind later. In some cases maybe, but in many cases it may not. If there’s an attraction and chemistry it should happen now and not later. Persisting will just make the girl repelled. It’s better to leave it the way it is at least you can still be friends. If you are wondering what if she’s interested in the future? No worries she will come back and initiate. What do you have to lose ?

What is your opinion? It’s good to hear from both sides and see what are your views.

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Part 2: Being Miss Congeniality Doesn’t Help

August 29th, 2008 Posted in Just stuff
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For context refer: Part 1: Being Miss Congeniality Doesn’t Help

Continuing with my girl friend’s story. After all those hints that she had drop for the guy, still he did not get the signs. He must have thought it’s part of the courting period.

Let’s analyze this:

  • She went out with him on lunches and dinners (dinner would consider a date).
  • She went out with him on her birthday when he invited (he must have thought if she’s not interested why would she want to spend her birthday with him)
  • He texted her every alternative night and chit chat like he was her bf. There wasn’t a sense of rejection there. If she was rejecting she would not have bothered replying.
  • She still went on a birthday dinner with him on his birthday (he must have thought this is the day i’m going to make the move). Probably during dinner, he did not feel the chemistry coming from her.

She’s not exactly giving out the right signs if she’s not interested. The guy has every right idea to think she was giving him a chance. Who can blame him. My friend told me she didn’t want to entertain him anymore and asked me for help on how to handle the situation. One of our guy friends said, why not go lunch with him like usual and bring a guy friend and pretend he is your bf. I told him, no way that’s too impolite. I suggested that she bring a girl friend instead without telling him.

Why?

If we are all friends why can’t i bring another friend of mine? It’s to show that i treat you nothing more than just a friend. As it turns out, luck was on her side. There’s another of our dancing friend that has just started working in the same company. As usual, he would ask for lunch once a week on Wed. She said ok, without telling him that the friend would be coming along. She waited for him at the front like usual and when he was walking to the direction he saw 2 girls standing there. He was wondering what was going on. Of course he also knew the other girl another mutual friend from dancing. My friend said, she just joined the company and since you called, i thought we can all do lunch together. He was caught in the moment, had nothing to say and just went along. But during lunch you can tell that he was not too happy with it. In fact he even ask my friend why she didn’t tell him before hand? and she said, we’re all friends i thought you wouldn’t mind. That was a subtle way of delivering a message :P

He stop communicating with her for awhile, until one day he call to ask for dinner again (the dude just won’t give up). My friend just want to stop, can’t take it anymore. Still with that subtle message he is still not getting it. We need something more straight forward. I suggest that, why not tell him ok, but you will be bringing me and my bf along like a double date. My bf and him get along quite well. Basically we want to create just a “friendly” environment. Friends having dinner together. At first he said ok. On the day that we’re suppose to do dinner, he text her in the late afternoon saying that he had stomach ache and he’s going to skip dinner.

Ding!

Look at it this way,  having dinner with me and my bf actually says a lot.

Let’s analyze this:

  • He always had one on one dinner with her, what’s with the change lately?
  • I was her good friend and now she wants to bring her good friend along with her bf?
  • Obviously he knew that i knew he was courting her and did not want to get into the risk of her turning him down after that. If he would have went to dinner with us it would just prove that he was courting her and things did not work out and me, and my bf was there. We knew the whole story.

It’s in the nature of any guy that they will protect their ego and save face. Good news after that, everything stop. She finally repelled him, hehe! What happen after that? After sometime, all of us went dancing one night and we saw him. He came to say hi to me and my bf and totally ignored her. What the??? Ya that’s right! He ignored her. Why? He probably felt played by her. By his actions of ignoring her just shows that he was disapproving her (i don’t want to see you, get out of my sight). It’s been like that ever since.

What i am trying to say is, at times when the girls are just trying to be nice doesn’t mean she’s interested. At the end of the day things may end up sour and awkward. So girls, if you are not interested just don’t try to be too nice cause guys may see it otherwise. For the guys, don’t have to be pushy all the time. Read the signs right and stop giving excuses to the girl so that you can make yourself feel better. Avoid the embarrassment and move on to the next target if she’s not the one. Where is your pride when you are suppose to have it? Same goes for the girls if you are stuck on a guy. Leave with pride and dignity who knows what lies ahead.

Till next time…

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Part 1: Being Miss Congeniality Doesn’t Help

August 28th, 2008 Posted in Just stuff
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I used to have a friend that is really sweet and nice. She can’t say no to anything and will just entertain anything that comes her way. I would classify her as a attractive girl. She is someone that can dress well and has a killer body. I didn’t say pretty cause she’s a average looking gal but knows how to enhance her looks. Of course she has no problems with the guys. From time to time the guys would call her or text her to flirt. She would entertain when she has time and she would still entertain when she has no time. Why? simply she can’t say no.

We had a mutual friend and he found out that she was working in the same company as him. He was a vice president in the company from his department. He look through the company directory and found her direct line extension and called her. They had a casual conversation, he got her number and mention that they should do lunch one day. One week later he text her saying that if she was free to do lunch on Wednesday? So she said ok, i’ll meet u up front and they can go across the street for lunch. Since they are just acquaintance’s they have lot’s to talk about. After that day he started to text her constantly. Obviously he started to court her. She would tell me stories about him and his text messages, phone calls etc.

Courting period

Almost once a week he would ask her out for lunch. After the second time she did lunch with him, she find him boring and uninteresting. She thought to herself that, it was nothing and just a friendly lunch with a friend and a so call colleague. Not too long after that she had to attend her schoolmate wedding at a not so near by state. It so happen that it was his hometown. He offer to drive her there and at the same time he can visit his parents. She rejected the offer and claim that she will be taking the bus with her other girl friends that’s attending the wedding. After that he offered to drive her back since he was going back to his hometown on the same weekend. She told him it was not necessary. When she told me this i told her that he was after her and she should be careful and not simply entertain his friendly gesture. He might misunderstood and take it as if you were giving him a chance. She kept on telling me that it was nothing but just a friendly gesture since he goes back and visit his parents. Alrighty then.

Her birthday

Since they work in the same company he found out that her birthday was coming up. He then invite her for her birthday dinner. She told me she had to accept, since someone is inviting you to celebrate your birthday it wouldn’t be nice to reject him (my advice she should not have gone to the dinner cause it is a special day and you should not simply spend it with just anyone, by going you are implying that you don’t mind). He took her to a nice restaurant chit chat and call it a night. She told me half way through the chat her mind went blind didn’t even know what he was saying. One of those moments when you looking at the person and your mind just wonder else where (hehe, usually you will see this image in a movie). After that birthday dinner she told me that she realize that ok…. he is after me. She ask me how to get him to stop or simply how to just reject him. She is just not the type of girl that will just say it in your face (most girls are very polite, i mention it in few of my other post). Saying it in his face is just not the right way to do it. The guy might just throw back, i’m not courting you, don’t be so conceited so that he can save face. I advice her that she should stop her lunches and just stop having any sort of communication with him and hope that he will get the message. He text her as usual asking her for lunches dinners and causal messages at night. She started to give him excuses that she was busy with work that she had to eat in the office and ignore his messages at night. I don’t think he got the message from her actions.

His birthday

Until one day he text telling her that his birthday was coming up and it was her turn to treat him for his birthday dinner. There was no running away. She had to treat him in return. Since it was his birthday he even imply that he wants to spend it with someone special. Ding dong! didn’t she get it ? She was that someone special. She told me she is just going to do this dinner one last time cause she owes him and planned to call it quits. We planned the dinner together. She is just going for a quick dinner and was supposed to meet me right after. Her “excuse” to leave early. I didn’t know which restaurant there were going and i made plans with my friends for dinner and dancing after that and she would meet me for dancing after her dinner with him. When i was having my dinner i needed to use the bathroom and i saw her on the way to the bathroom. What a coincidence! immediately she smile and i knew it, i will need to save her out of that crappy date she was in (even though i was suppose to save her later but this is even better). I said hi to them and ask them to join me and my friends, she quickly said yes! They finish their main course and was just having dessert. They join me and my friends. From two person became a group outing. He also join us for our dancing session later that night (he dances too, that’s how he was our mutual friend).

The story continues…

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Part 2: Is Your Head Stuck With The One You Like Or Should You Just Move On With The One That Likes You?

August 25th, 2008 Posted in Just stuff
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For context refer:

Part 1: Is Your Head Stuck With The One You Like Or Should You Just Move On With The One That Likes You?

Usually when someone does not want to be with you they would just disappear and hope that you will eventually forget about them. My friend went on with her life but feel sad at the same time. It’s like getting over a break up. The thing that tick me off is that, she did not even have a relationship with him. This is what happens when you jump into the sack with someone so early and with the blink of an eye, they just dissapear. Guess what sister? they just want to get into your pants. Either you play them first or else you will get played by them. It’s just another game.

A few months passed and she met someone new. After a few weeks the guy show interest in her. But she was still thinking about the other guy. She tried giving the new guy a chance. They went on a date but she was still fickle minded. The guy treated her very well. Drive her everywhere, accompany her shopping, etc. She knew he would be the better guy to be with, but still she was still thinking about the bad boy.

The question was wondering in her head. Should she go with the one that treat her right or still wait for the one that’s lingering her? What if he came back? What if he is ready for a relationship? There were just so many questions unanswered. At the end of the day she reject the nice guy and decided to wait for the bad boy. Guess what happen?

Nothing! What was she waiting for? She really think that he will come back to her when he is ready? All those so call reasons he gave her was just another polite way of saying after sleeping with you i don’t want a relationship but it was nice while it lasted. It wasn’t a big loss as she did not find any chemistry with the nice guy.

If anyone had pass out a chance for a nice guy for a bad boy, in my opinion it is not worth it. The reality is, thinking and hoping the other party will come back for you is…… near to zero. Why not open you eyes and see who is in front of you and cherish that opportunity that is knocking at your door. It may not be someone that is up to your expectation but the least they are the one that is sincere :)

Till next time…

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Part 1: Is Your Head Stuck With The One You Like Or Should You Just Move On With The One That Likes You?

August 19th, 2008 Posted in Just stuff
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Sometime ago i remember my girl friend telling me about this guy she likes. She met him through her friends. They seldom talk as he was among his friends a brother like figure. Since they hang out with the same group of friends she sees him from time to time with just a hi at the beginning and a bye when she leaves. Until one day while having drinks at a bar he actually came and talk to her. Nothing much just a casual chat. After that night, she secretly fell for him. She didn’t know what happen, why all of a sudden she feel that way, it was because of that night, she got to know him a little better. While they were having drinks, she sees that his small gesture made her feel he was such a perfect gentleman. After that she admired him.

They started talking more often when they meet. Eventually became friendly and joke around. It was not as distant as before. Until one day while having drinks again they started flirting with each other. One thing lead to another, guess what happen? Ya……………………………………………….

They did it! This is what alcohol does to you. It could be the excuse, it also could be the reason. She woke up in his room and thought to herself, did i just became his girlfriend? She did not thought of it happening this way but she’s not complaining either. She likes him. After that, he send her home and told her he would call her later. 1 day 2 days, no call. She would text him but he would reply in wee hours in the morning telling her he was busy with work. She excepted it and of course wanted to be a understanding girlfriend.

I forgot how many days she waited. She would call me and tell me stories and will be over analyzing, giving excuses to him etc. After few weeks,it came across to her that, is he trying to avoid her. She saw him less and kept on saying that he has to travel a lot for work. It came clearer to her one day when he went to a company trip and said that they should have a talk after he return. She waited patiently for him. Finally that day came, he drove her out and they had the talk in his car. He told her that he was not ready for a relatonship (oldest trick in the book, c’mon!). There was a lot of things going in his life now that it’s not suitable for a relationship (2nd oldest trick in the book). He was sorry what he did that night and he was in the heat of the moment (he didn’t think of that when he wanted to get into her pants). After he cleared the air he drove her home. Left her heart broken, lost and feeling incredibly stupid.

This is longer than i thought and now i have to do a part 2. Sorry people, i’m really tired and i need to take a nap now. To be continue …

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When A Girl Get Insulted On A Date

August 18th, 2008 Posted in Just stuff
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What happens when a guy make a improper comment on a date? The girl get offended and totally hate your ass. It is not that difficult to guess. What it seems to be, these days that guys are using a form of strategy call “negs”. It is a form of insult planted to lower the girl’s self esteem so that the guy can move in easier. Here’s an example: “Nice nails, are they real? No? Oh, well they’re nice anyway.” (Ugly Betty season 2, they also feature 1 episode with this strategy)

Recently my girl friend went on a so called date and she just had this experience. She was out with him for lunch and having a casual conversation, out of no where all of a sudden the guy just said to her “you are fat.” She was like, what? Why would he just make such a improper comment out of no where. She just smile it off and say oh ya… put on a little weight lately (she’s still far from fat, i can vouch for that). As the lunch continues, he make another comment saying that her jaw was big, she had chubby cheeks. My friend was totally pissed and felt so insulted. My friend is a smart attractive girl and it’s not someone you can easily ask out. She was thinking to herself, what is this guy trying to do? After that he was trying to be cute and said she look like a cupcake! Haha! it was the wrong thing to say. He must have thought it was cute to call her cupcake. But all she thought was, now you think i’m round and fat but cute like a cupcake. OH NO! not this way you don’t. After lunch he wanted to walk her back to her office, and she couldn’t shake him off. While passing by the bathroom she said, she needed to use the ladies and she was going to be long, see ya!

Needless to say had a terrible lunch. The comment had bothered her. How can you tell a girl that she was fat. Especially on a date. If he was using the insult to get the girl, well…. he used it on the wrong girl. Did he get her attention? Yes he did, and she just hated his ass. After that, he tried to text her, called her, she totally ignored him. Until now she has not accept or return any of his calls. His last message was, he apologize to her saying if he had said anything that offended her he’s sorry. Well… it’s too late. Sometimes people just get 1 chance and he had to mess it up. Before this, they were talking to each other on the phone  and when she finally decided to go on a date with him, this is what she sees. Someone she does not want to continue seeing.

Dates are for both parties to get to know each other. Maybe if there’s a possibility of furthering the relationship. I guess some people just don’t have respect for it. Oh well, it was just a short lunch not exactly a date date. It was the longest lunch she ever had. My advice, always settle with tea first if you are not sure if you can stand this person. Lunch if you are casual friends with the guy (at least it’s just an hour). Dinner if it’s someone you are interested in.

So guys, whatever strategy you have up your sleeves better think twice before doing it. Not all girls will fall for it. Especially not attractive and smart girls. Put the insult aside, to me it’s just plain manners.

Till next time…

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