Part 2: She Say’s I Like You But Only As A Friend

August 15th, 2008 Posted in Just stuff
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For context, refer to Part 1: She Says, I Like You But Only As A Friend

What have i learn after this experience? I then realize that you can’t be just a good friend to a guy. Eventually they will start to have feelings for you. Guys will easily misunderstood your actions. As a girl, i thought it was just normal. I mean this is how we are. Isn’t that why girls always hang with a bunch of girls. When it comes to a guy it’s different. Just can’t treat a guy like the way you would treat your girl friends. When you start to think it’s too good to be true, it probably is :)

I remember once my guy friend told me, there is no such thing as a girl guy best friend if the guy has no intentions. I disagree with him at that time, and told him not all guys are like that (i was naive at that time). Till now, some people still think the same. But the thing is there’s some truth to that. Let’s analyze this:

When a guy is always trying to make plans with you, he is not just your best friend. He might just make it as if he just happen to be around the area so that he can visit you or he was free to accompany you to do your boring stuff but in fact he took leave to do it. For us girls, we only see what’s on the surface and believe what we see and hear. If he say’s he’s free, then he’s free. Why want to think so far. On the other hand, for the guys this is their stragtegy to get the girl. There’s nothing wrong with that. But if the girl is not interested,

  1. she should not continue her friendly actions.
  2. She’s leading him on.
  3. If those actions above continue, she will eventually hurt him badly.

It has happen to me many times until i finally realize that i have to stop doing what i was doing. I wasn’t aware of it all. As hard as it may seem, when i finally confront my guy friend, i felt relieved. I wasn’t thinking i wanted free dinners, movies, gifts etc. I thought all along he was just my good friend. But when both parties have different perception things are visualize differently. You can’t treat a guy like you treat your girl friends. There’s no free lunch either girls.

Guys still can be your good friend…

I’m not saying that guys can’t be a girl’s best friend, it has it’s limits. I’m still good friends with a couple of guys. Our friendship is different. It’s nothing like what i’ve experience before. We chat, but not constantly. We only meet up once awhile and if your in a relationship both parties will bring their other half. I have a guy friend that will tag along with me and my bf when we go salsa or other events together. We even went to a party together when my bf was sick and we already bought the tickets. No doubt he knows my bf, but he’s closer to me. At times when he was feeling lonely his gf is not around he would talk to me about his stuff.  My bf did say that, all these actions are fine till a certain extend.Things like that are still normal. It is just not normal when a guy is so into the things that you are doing. As if he was trying to interrogate your life. Girl’s it’s time to wake up and smell the coffee. It’s not as innocent as it seems.

For the girls, if your guy friend is acting like me, if they like you just as a friend their actions are probably just the same as mine. They too won’t put much effort and time into what you are doing. They would be spending their time with the ones they are interested. Mostly likely to catch up with you once awhile. So girls if you are wondering if your guy friend is interested, you better think again.

My last note is, when you don’t feel the same it’s better to let them know early than later. There is no point dragging it just because you feel bad. I prefer to maintain the friendship than lose a friend. Suck it up and face the music, after all he needs to know. I may have broken a few hearts in the past, but i guess they respect my decision and that is why until this day… they are still my friends.

Till next time…

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Daily Tips: Be thorough and reduce your mistakes

August 15th, 2008 Posted in Tips
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It’s common to make mistakes. Everybody makes mistakes. You can’t eliminate mistakes, but you sure can reduce them.

When I was doing my internship, I was asked by a senior manager to upgrade her email client. Having possession of her laptop, I downloaded the install file, made copies of the email file archives and ran the upgrade installer.

To my horror, the laptop crashed during the install. When I restarted the machine again, her email client was screwed and I had to remove and perform a fresh installation.

After I recovered her email archive files – to my horror, again, I cannot find emails for the current month. All the backup had was emails up to last month, and I realized that I had only backed up her archives, not the folder storing the current yet unacted on emails. Dreading having to tell her the bad news, I summoned all courage and went up and told her that her emails for the current month was lost, explained what happened and prepared myself for the worst.

Instead of throwing something at me, she looked at me and said, “Next time, you need to be thorough. Be very very thorough and you won’t make mistakes like this.”

From then on, in nearly everything I do, I double check, probably even triple check the work that I do. And I find that most of the time I check, there would be something missing that I can correct before I complete and hand over the task. And I believe that because of this habit, it greatly reduced the mistakes that I did or could have done, and probably helped my career in some ways.

Lesson learned.

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Ask Someone Out Without Getting Embarrassed

August 13th, 2008 Posted in Just stuff
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All of us must have encounter embarrassment at some point of our lives. What could be more embarrassing when it comes to someone you like? Looking back, you must wonder what was i thinking? Hope that no one knows or even notice.

It is not that difficult to save yourself. I think what most people are missing is that, they are not sensitive enough to understand simple signs that is given. When the opposite sex gives an excuse, take it from the face value. Don’t ask why or pre plan the dates before hand. Wait for them to offer back, after all they are the one that’s giving the excuse. If they are blowing you off, there is no point of initiating more. The person might get frustrated and just give it to you in the face. Worst of all, if there is people around. That is real embarrassment!

Be alert before initiating anything. Whether asking for a date, dinner, outing, movie, concerts, etc. Especially not in front of people. Ask yourself how does this person feel about you? If you are not 90% sure if it’s going to be a yes, opt for a group outing instead. I know this is not your plan, but at least both of you will get to know each other better. It’s casual, we’re friends doing something together. After awhile the person most likely to be more comfortable with you and your chances of asking her out is easier.

I have a rule that i believe in, 3 strikes and your’e OUT! Why ?

  • 1st time, in a polite way she’s bz with work or doing something with the family (just believe that it’s real).
  • 2nd time, still bz with whatever she’s doing. Can’t find the time etc etc. (she just hopes that you would stop asking after the excuses)
  • 3rd time, This is where you initiate that is why there is a 3rd time. Usually just let go on the 2nd time and let her ask you back. If that fails this is where 3rd time comes along. After the 3rd attempt and still with excuses doesn’t matter what excuse it is, time to move on. Remember what i was saying about being alert? This is it, 3 strikes and you’re OUT!

This is why being alert is important and able to understand the signs. Most guys like to give excuses or believe what the girl say’s is real. Simply because the guys want to believe there is still hope. Maybe it is, maybe it’s not, but the point is that she’s not out with you. As i mention in my earlier post that girls are always polite. They would say the most polite things to reject a guy, because it is not nice to always say no without an excuse. To some extend the girl would even go out once with the guy so that he can stop asking. The reality is that the girl just want the guy to stop. What the girl is actually thinking is that, ok we went out nothing interesting now you can stop asking. Sometimes the guys just don’t get it, they would continue and initiate. Depending how much the guy is initiating, the girl might just get frustrated and just say something mean one day. Leaves a awkward situation and a awkward feeling between the 2 of you. Not a pretty sight. It’s an embarrassment between you and her.

After understanding the signs/rules whatever you want to call it, know when to stop initiating before you get the shut down. What i’ve mention about is actually a fact, it has happen me and to few of my girl friends. Just another girl’s perspective :)

Till next time…

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Daily Tips: How to escape a maze

August 13th, 2008 Posted in Tips
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Do you know how to get yourself out of a maze if one day you find yourself in one? In one episode of Amazing Race Asia 2, the participants had to explore a small maze and find a chest where the clue is hidden. The chests are sprawled all over the place.

I was hoping there would be someone who would methodically search for the chests, but sadly all of them ran all over the place randomly opening chests and trying to remember which ones they had opened and which ones they hadn’t. It may work in a smaller maze, but if it’s a bigger maze, they’re probably screwed, or even worse, trapped.

What is the best way of getting out of a maze? Simple, just take your hand and touch the side of the real wall of the maze. The tricky part here is, there are fake walls and real walls. The real walls of the maze are those that divides the maze and the outside. Now, just keep walking and keep your hand on the wall, never taking it off (imagining that your hand is at the wall works too if you’re afraid to touch the sides of a creepy maze) and never walking backwards. Just keep walking. If you keep at it, you’ll find the exit sooner or later.

Putting your hands at the side of the wall and keep walking ensures that you only pass by the wall once and just once (it has to be the real one! if it’s a fake one you may end up round and round around the fake walls). It may not be the shortest way to the exit from where you were standing, but randomly choosing a path isn’t the shortest way either. You could get lost and stuck there forever, so IMHO a methodical way, such as the one suggested above is the best.

Good luck!

P.S. The Amazing Race Asia 3 will premiere on 11 September 2008! Can’t wait!

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Apologies to PPS readers for the multiple pings

August 13th, 2008 Posted in Just stuff
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Hi PPS readers, apologies for the multiple pings.. I screwed up. Hope you can ignore those pings until the admins remove them or it goes out of the front page list.

Thousand apologies..

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Daily Tips: A wise advice about reacting in anger

August 12th, 2008 Posted in Tips
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How many of us has shot back in anger when we receive emails that anger us, or worse, emails that insult us? How many of us has written emails in anger, hitting the keyboard key after key, whispering “That’ll teach you!” under our breath and hit send and immediately felt guilty afterwards?

Too many.

I’ve done some of that myself in the past, and I wasn’t too proud of it. Almost always it didn’t solve anything, and whatever problem at hand could’ve been solved if I had acted more maturely instead.

This is an advice my boss told me before, which I practise until today:

“When you receive an email, SMS or news that you don’t like, don’t do anything. Just sit on it, sleep on it, and act tomorrow. If you still feel like shouting at the person tomorrow, then you shout. Just wait until tomorrow to do it.”

It is a good advice, because it allows me to cool down, and think clearly about the problem at hand instead of reacting to it. Now, if you are still angry tomorrow and you still think shouting at the person who sent it is still the right thing to do, then by all means pick up the phone and call and shout all you want. But once you practise this, you will find that almost always, you will not remain angry, and you will have done the right thing instead of lambasting at an innocent person or reveal that you’re unprofessional to parties that you would never have done under normal circumstances.

Good luck!

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What She Really Mean When She Says…

August 11th, 2008 Posted in Just stuff
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Doesn’t it make you wonder sometimes, what does she mean when she says…

  • I’m not ready for a relationship (yet). Sometimes it will come with a YET at the back. Why? If there’s a yet at the back, she’s leaving space for herself  in case she changes her mind. If there’s no yet at the back. Basically she’s just blowing you off. This is the most humble way of saying “get lost jerk, i’m not into you.” Before you know it, she’s holding hands with another guy.
  • Right now it’s not the right time a lot of things is going on in my life. Ya, obviously you are not in it. She does not want to include you in her life. You have not been shortlisted. Before you know it, she’s holding hands with another guy.
  • I’ll call you. There’s a silence in your phone for awhile. You tried calling yourself to ensure that your cell is working. And you wonder why hasn’t she called yet? She hope that you will get the point when there is no respond, she will fade away. She don’t even have to give an excuse for this! Before you know it, she’s holding hands with another guy.
  • I don’t want to jeopardize our friendship. She just treat you as a friend man. She just can’t imagine herself kissing you, ewww! Before you know it, she’s holding hands with another guy.
  • You’re a nice guy, i don’t deserve to be with you. Does this make sense to you? Self deprecating, works wonders. She just want you to pity her. She’s been a bad girl and you are just too good to be with her.
  • You’re like a brother to me. Oldest excuse of them all, and the worst one of them all. Now you have to be related to her? The last time you check your blood type, i’m pretty sure you are not related. I guess she has to find someone that has a different blood type. Before you know it, she’s holding hands with another guy.
  • I need to be alone now. Ya, alone meaning 1 person. Not that difficult to understand. You did not make it on her list. Before you know it, she’s holding hands with another guy.
  • I’m not over my ex. Does this reason really matter? Doesn’t matter if it’s true or not you would not want to be a substitute (rebound guy). She probably is NOT over her ex yet. It’s a good reason to turn you down. She seems like she’s still heart broken. Before you know it, she’s holding hands with another guy.
  • I don’t want to be attached (enjoying single life). This is probably real. Straight forward. You have not capture her heart. Trust me, she will be attached once she find someone she likes. Before you know it, she’s holding hands with another guy.
  • I’m seeing someone. Ya right, so….. she forgot to tell you. She may dig one guy out to pretend to be her bf just to show you she’s not available. Pretty straight forward, you don’t need to know if it’s real or not. She took effort to do all that. At least pretend you believe her. Before you know it, she’s holding hands with another guy in this case it could be the same guy.

Coming from a girl, i have use all of the excuses above, and all the excuses has been used on my guy friends. All the excuses above can be use on a girl as well. To all my home girls out there, watch out it’s all the same. All i have to say is people, have some pride and just move on! I can tell you, people that likes you, interested, adore you, however you want to say it, will not give excuses to you. Especially NOT during courting time. They can start giving excuses when they are already dating you!

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Spooky Sunday: Holiday Encounters

August 10th, 2008 Posted in Just stuff
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My staff just update me with the latest story from the Chinese newspaper today. As you can see i have taken a photo of it. Translated by my staff, a group of friends went on a holiday trip. They stay in some sort of a resort hotel. The group of friends stayed up late night to chit chat, take photos, eat etc. The photo above is taken by the bed, behind there is a window facing thin air. As you see the red circle is where they saw a ghostly apparition. This is a clearer picture. They took a few pics in the same position, you know exchanging people and all. Some with white shadow and 2 pics show the face in thin air. If you can see carefully, there’s a face there. That give me chills when she told me the story. After they came back from the holiday, the person with the camera developed the pictures few days later. This is what she saw and she brought it to the newspaper. This was taken in June 08. Just 1 month ago.

Another incident that happen to my staff’s son few years back. He was driving with a group of friends to Genting Highlands resort with his motorcycle at night. Since they were riding on a bike on their own, they have said to meet up half way at the gas station. For those who don’t know the road to Genting Highland is a winding curve up hill. While he was driving half way up hill, he saw on his motorcycle side mirror, a white cloth flapping against him on the side. And he felt there’s weight behind him, as if he was driving someone behind. He did not dare to turn around and drove as fast as he could to reach the gas station. Once he reached, he asked his friends if they saw anything behind him. They said no. This story is quite common, many people may have had similar experiences on roads that are accident prone, especially when lives were claimed in the road’s history.

The elderly always say, at night when you hear a voice calling out your name, don’t look back or respond. My staff’s son did the right thing by not looking back, who knows what would’ve happened if he had!

Until next time…

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Chillout Sunday: Foggy KL

August 10th, 2008 Posted in Just stuff
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Taken a few days ago with my Nokia 6300.

Someone once told me that it used to rain ice in KL.

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Daily Tips: Does the “increase your luck” tip work?

August 9th, 2008 Posted in Tips
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rabbit's foot for luck

Yes it does. And I’ll tell you why. (Refer to Daily Tips: How to increase your luck for context)

Basically, the principle of the tip is that with more practice, the more “lucky” you get. You may ask, “How does that make sense? No matter how much I practise, I don’t think it made winning the lottery any easier! And of course, if I practise something a lot, I’ll get good at it. That’s not luck!”

True. But, the statements made above are too widely scoped, and doesn’t take into account of the different scenarios that luck can fall on.

There are many situations that luck can come into play in determining the outcome, and these situations are made up of 2 elements: element of chance, and element of skill. Situations that are mostly made up of element of chance are called Game of Chance, and situations that are mostly made up of element of skill are called Game of Skill. The thing is, although there is Game of Chance that has elements of skill, there is no Game of Skill that has no elements of chance.

Point is, every situation somehow involves chance, but not every situation involves skill. Confused yet?

The graphic above illustrates that everything involves element of chance, and out of those, there are only some that involves element of skill.

An example of Game of Chance are the lottery, while an example of Game of Skill are sports. Oh by the way, did anyone catch the grand opening of the Olympics? If you didn’t, catch the rerun! It was excellent!

Back to the topic, now that you know the difference between Game of Chance and Game of Skill, the other thing that you need to fully understand is that both of these involves chance, or in other words, luck. The amount of luck that is involved vary from game to game, for example, in a game of snooker between pros, there’s very little luck involved. In F1, you might think it’s a game of skill, but there’s plenty of luck involved. The car may have engine problem, flat tyre, etc. In a game of poker, it involves both skill and luck, if you’re lucky, you may win big a few rounds, but a pro can outlast and outwin you if you stay long enough. The pro knows enough how to harness the element of luck in his favour so that over the long run, he will come out positive.

So, basically, in nearly everything, luck is involved. Life itself involves the element of chance. And that is why knowing as much as you can about this luck thing is important.

Next, I will share with you how to equip yourself with the knowledge and skill needed to harness the luck element and increase the odds in your favour. Stay tuned!

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