Part 2: Being Miss Congeniality Doesn’t Help

August 29th, 2008 Posted in Just stuff
11 Comments »

For context refer: Part 1: Being Miss Congeniality Doesn’t Help

Continuing with my girl friend’s story. After all those hints that she had drop for the guy, still he did not get the signs. He must have thought it’s part of the courting period.

Let’s analyze this:

  • She went out with him on lunches and dinners (dinner would consider a date).
  • She went out with him on her birthday when he invited (he must have thought if she’s not interested why would she want to spend her birthday with him)
  • He texted her every alternative night and chit chat like he was her bf. There wasn’t a sense of rejection there. If she was rejecting she would not have bothered replying.
  • She still went on a birthday dinner with him on his birthday (he must have thought this is the day i’m going to make the move). Probably during dinner, he did not feel the chemistry coming from her.

She’s not exactly giving out the right signs if she’s not interested. The guy has every right idea to think she was giving him a chance. Who can blame him. My friend told me she didn’t want to entertain him anymore and asked me for help on how to handle the situation. One of our guy friends said, why not go lunch with him like usual and bring a guy friend and pretend he is your bf. I told him, no way that’s too impolite. I suggested that she bring a girl friend instead without telling him.

Why?

If we are all friends why can’t i bring another friend of mine? It’s to show that i treat you nothing more than just a friend. As it turns out, luck was on her side. There’s another of our dancing friend that has just started working in the same company. As usual, he would ask for lunch once a week on Wed. She said ok, without telling him that the friend would be coming along. She waited for him at the front like usual and when he was walking to the direction he saw 2 girls standing there. He was wondering what was going on. Of course he also knew the other girl another mutual friend from dancing. My friend said, she just joined the company and since you called, i thought we can all do lunch together. He was caught in the moment, had nothing to say and just went along. But during lunch you can tell that he was not too happy with it. In fact he even ask my friend why she didn’t tell him before hand? and she said, we’re all friends i thought you wouldn’t mind. That was a subtle way of delivering a message :P

He stop communicating with her for awhile, until one day he call to ask for dinner again (the dude just won’t give up). My friend just want to stop, can’t take it anymore. Still with that subtle message he is still not getting it. We need something more straight forward. I suggest that, why not tell him ok, but you will be bringing me and my bf along like a double date. My bf and him get along quite well. Basically we want to create just a “friendly” environment. Friends having dinner together. At first he said ok. On the day that we’re suppose to do dinner, he text her in the late afternoon saying that he had stomach ache and he’s going to skip dinner.

Ding!

Look at it this way,  having dinner with me and my bf actually says a lot.

Let’s analyze this:

  • He always had one on one dinner with her, what’s with the change lately?
  • I was her good friend and now she wants to bring her good friend along with her bf?
  • Obviously he knew that i knew he was courting her and did not want to get into the risk of her turning him down after that. If he would have went to dinner with us it would just prove that he was courting her and things did not work out and me, and my bf was there. We knew the whole story.

It’s in the nature of any guy that they will protect their ego and save face. Good news after that, everything stop. She finally repelled him, hehe! What happen after that? After sometime, all of us went dancing one night and we saw him. He came to say hi to me and my bf and totally ignored her. What the??? Ya that’s right! He ignored her. Why? He probably felt played by her. By his actions of ignoring her just shows that he was disapproving her (i don’t want to see you, get out of my sight). It’s been like that ever since.

What i am trying to say is, at times when the girls are just trying to be nice doesn’t mean she’s interested. At the end of the day things may end up sour and awkward. So girls, if you are not interested just don’t try to be too nice cause guys may see it otherwise. For the guys, don’t have to be pushy all the time. Read the signs right and stop giving excuses to the girl so that you can make yourself feel better. Avoid the embarrassment and move on to the next target if she’s not the one. Where is your pride when you are suppose to have it? Same goes for the girls if you are stuck on a guy. Leave with pride and dignity who knows what lies ahead.

Till next time…

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Part 1: Being Miss Congeniality Doesn’t Help

August 28th, 2008 Posted in Just stuff
3 Comments »

I used to have a friend that is really sweet and nice. She can’t say no to anything and will just entertain anything that comes her way. I would classify her as a attractive girl. She is someone that can dress well and has a killer body. I didn’t say pretty cause she’s a average looking gal but knows how to enhance her looks. Of course she has no problems with the guys. From time to time the guys would call her or text her to flirt. She would entertain when she has time and she would still entertain when she has no time. Why? simply she can’t say no.

We had a mutual friend and he found out that she was working in the same company as him. He was a vice president in the company from his department. He look through the company directory and found her direct line extension and called her. They had a casual conversation, he got her number and mention that they should do lunch one day. One week later he text her saying that if she was free to do lunch on Wednesday? So she said ok, i’ll meet u up front and they can go across the street for lunch. Since they are just acquaintance’s they have lot’s to talk about. After that day he started to text her constantly. Obviously he started to court her. She would tell me stories about him and his text messages, phone calls etc.

Courting period

Almost once a week he would ask her out for lunch. After the second time she did lunch with him, she find him boring and uninteresting. She thought to herself that, it was nothing and just a friendly lunch with a friend and a so call colleague. Not too long after that she had to attend her schoolmate wedding at a not so near by state. It so happen that it was his hometown. He offer to drive her there and at the same time he can visit his parents. She rejected the offer and claim that she will be taking the bus with her other girl friends that’s attending the wedding. After that he offered to drive her back since he was going back to his hometown on the same weekend. She told him it was not necessary. When she told me this i told her that he was after her and she should be careful and not simply entertain his friendly gesture. He might misunderstood and take it as if you were giving him a chance. She kept on telling me that it was nothing but just a friendly gesture since he goes back and visit his parents. Alrighty then.

Her birthday

Since they work in the same company he found out that her birthday was coming up. He then invite her for her birthday dinner. She told me she had to accept, since someone is inviting you to celebrate your birthday it wouldn’t be nice to reject him (my advice she should not have gone to the dinner cause it is a special day and you should not simply spend it with just anyone, by going you are implying that you don’t mind). He took her to a nice restaurant chit chat and call it a night. She told me half way through the chat her mind went blind didn’t even know what he was saying. One of those moments when you looking at the person and your mind just wonder else where (hehe, usually you will see this image in a movie). After that birthday dinner she told me that she realize that ok…. he is after me. She ask me how to get him to stop or simply how to just reject him. She is just not the type of girl that will just say it in your face (most girls are very polite, i mention it in few of my other post). Saying it in his face is just not the right way to do it. The guy might just throw back, i’m not courting you, don’t be so conceited so that he can save face. I advice her that she should stop her lunches and just stop having any sort of communication with him and hope that he will get the message. He text her as usual asking her for lunches dinners and causal messages at night. She started to give him excuses that she was busy with work that she had to eat in the office and ignore his messages at night. I don’t think he got the message from her actions.

His birthday

Until one day he text telling her that his birthday was coming up and it was her turn to treat him for his birthday dinner. There was no running away. She had to treat him in return. Since it was his birthday he even imply that he wants to spend it with someone special. Ding dong! didn’t she get it ? She was that someone special. She told me she is just going to do this dinner one last time cause she owes him and planned to call it quits. We planned the dinner together. She is just going for a quick dinner and was supposed to meet me right after. Her “excuse” to leave early. I didn’t know which restaurant there were going and i made plans with my friends for dinner and dancing after that and she would meet me for dancing after her dinner with him. When i was having my dinner i needed to use the bathroom and i saw her on the way to the bathroom. What a coincidence! immediately she smile and i knew it, i will need to save her out of that crappy date she was in (even though i was suppose to save her later but this is even better). I said hi to them and ask them to join me and my friends, she quickly said yes! They finish their main course and was just having dessert. They join me and my friends. From two person became a group outing. He also join us for our dancing session later that night (he dances too, that’s how he was our mutual friend).

The story continues…

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Moody KL (pic)

August 26th, 2008 Posted in Just stuff
6 Comments »


it has been raining
i look upon the sky and;
think of things to say

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Career Tips: You can negotiate anything

August 26th, 2008 Posted in Tips
3 Comments »

I have an ex-colleague who has changed jobs a few times in the past 5 years, and each time he jumped ship, he calls me for advice. What advice? Negotiation advice of course – he doesn’t really know what to do when discussing about salary with his potential employer.

In today’s daily post, I will share with you tips that I shared with him during those phone conversations, in the hopes that it may help some of you out there that needs such advice. It has worked for me, it has worked for him, and I hope it will work for you too.

There will be 8 points to this, and although not all the points will apply to your situation, across many scenarios, each of these 8 points will apply, and therefore as important as the rest.

1. Research

Before you start the negotiation process, you’ll need to do your homework. Research as much as possible, as much as you can for anything that can help you in the negotiation process. In our case, it could be the industry’s salary range for the applied position, the job scope, what values does the company prefer, what is the maximum the company is willing to pay for, and if you’re resourceful enough, what did the previous person in that position get.

2. Get as much leverage as you can

Then, you’ll need to identify your leverage. Leverage is basically an upper hand, it can be something you have that is of value to your opponent, in our case, your potential employee. It could be expertise in a specific skill that the company values, it could be your contacts, it could be your portfolio, it could be your certifications. It could even be the fact that the company is desperate to hire you because of some compliance or need. The main thing is to identify your strong points and your leverage, which you can use during the negotiation process. I learned this the hard way 6 years ago; I missed an opportunity to negotiate for higher salary when the company needed my certifications to comply to a certain compliance in order to get certified. If I had done enough research and found that out, I probably could’ve gotten 20% higher than what I had settled with.

And throughout the negotiation process, maintain your cool. You don’t want to appear too desperate, and at the same time you don’t want to look as if you’re not serious about the job. It’s a balance you will have to learn to keep, and with practice it will come naturally.

3. Set your minimum, and NEVER share it!

Set a minimum amount you are willing to go down to, but remember to NEVER EVER share it. It should be a number that exist only in your mind, not anywhere else. And you never start with this number. You should always start with a number that is higher than the minimum, and the quantum should not be too little that there is no space to negotiate. For example, if you have RM 3.8k as the minimum that you can compromise with, you shouldn’t start your negotiation with RM 4k. This gives too little room for negotiation, and too little room for the final price to stop at RM 3.8k. Your potential employer may say, oh, 4k is too high, how about 3.6k? There goes your 3.8k.

4. Mentally prepare yourself for the negotiation process

Your potential employers will do whatever they can to shake you mentally in order to gain as much leverage against you in negotiation for your salary, given the chance. They will sell the job to you, they may use certain tactics that puts you in a bind during the event itself, and so on and so forth. What you agree to during that discussion, will be the base amount they will be paying monthly for years (if you stay that long), and trust me, if they can lower it, they WILL lower it.

5. Negotiation is a process, not an event

A lot of people make the mistake of thinking that the salary negotation is an event, an event that happens when you meet your employer. In truth, the salary negotiation may have started during the first interview itself, when your employee try to get as much information about you as possible, when they try as much as they can to lower your expectations (if given the opportunity) and it may also last well after the meeting has ended. Before you’re given the employment contract, do not assume that negotiation is over.

6. Detach yourself from the object of negotiation

You must always detach yourself from the object of negotiation. This applies to every negotiation out there, be it a negotiation to buy a house, to rent an apartment, your salary – everything! In the case of a new job, you need to detach yourself from the job; don’t think of all the nice things that the job can give you, don’t just blindly accept the good points of the job that your interviewer or your future boss is trying to sell you, they’re just trying to get yourself so attached to the job that you’re willing to take any salary that comes with it.

7. Make a decision

You need to make a decision, and know full well the impact of your decision. If the salary is lower than your expectations, are you ready to take it, or can you walk away and lose it? You need to make this decision internally, and not be affected by any tactics whatsoever.

8. Never burn bridges

Last but not least, you should never burn bridges. Never let the negotiation go bad; always be friendly and courteous throughout the process. You can play hardball, but don’t play it too harshly that you end up being seen as rude by the other party.

Always remember that the negotiation is a process, and it may or may not end by the time it supposedly should end. Who knows, if the potential employer couldn’t find anybody suitable and decided to re-open the negotiation? And who knows, maybe there’s future openings? Always remain polite and courteous, and this will ensure that in the future if there is any possibilities of another negotiation, you’re always in the picture.

Good luck!

P.S. The title of today’s post is actually the title of a book by Herb Cohen – You can negotiate anything! I would recommend that you check it out, if you’re interested to learn more about negotiation.

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Part 2: Is Your Head Stuck With The One You Like Or Should You Just Move On With The One That Likes You?

August 25th, 2008 Posted in Just stuff
5 Comments »

For context refer:

Part 1: Is Your Head Stuck With The One You Like Or Should You Just Move On With The One That Likes You?

Usually when someone does not want to be with you they would just disappear and hope that you will eventually forget about them. My friend went on with her life but feel sad at the same time. It’s like getting over a break up. The thing that tick me off is that, she did not even have a relationship with him. This is what happens when you jump into the sack with someone so early and with the blink of an eye, they just dissapear. Guess what sister? they just want to get into your pants. Either you play them first or else you will get played by them. It’s just another game.

A few months passed and she met someone new. After a few weeks the guy show interest in her. But she was still thinking about the other guy. She tried giving the new guy a chance. They went on a date but she was still fickle minded. The guy treated her very well. Drive her everywhere, accompany her shopping, etc. She knew he would be the better guy to be with, but still she was still thinking about the bad boy.

The question was wondering in her head. Should she go with the one that treat her right or still wait for the one that’s lingering her? What if he came back? What if he is ready for a relationship? There were just so many questions unanswered. At the end of the day she reject the nice guy and decided to wait for the bad boy. Guess what happen?

Nothing! What was she waiting for? She really think that he will come back to her when he is ready? All those so call reasons he gave her was just another polite way of saying after sleeping with you i don’t want a relationship but it was nice while it lasted. It wasn’t a big loss as she did not find any chemistry with the nice guy.

If anyone had pass out a chance for a nice guy for a bad boy, in my opinion it is not worth it. The reality is, thinking and hoping the other party will come back for you is…… near to zero. Why not open you eyes and see who is in front of you and cherish that opportunity that is knocking at your door. It may not be someone that is up to your expectation but the least they are the one that is sincere :)

Till next time…

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How to get a million hits a month

August 25th, 2008 Posted in Just stuff
1 Comment »

Note: This post is written with humour in mind.


Figure: Number of visitors since May 2008

Three simple steps to reach a million website hits a month and be the envy of all webmasters and bloggers alike, which has been proven to work:
1. Work very hard, be very lucky and get elected as the Prime Minister.
2. Retire from office and be vocal about the happenings in the country.
3. Start a blog.

That’s something all webmasters/bloggers can learn from http://www.chedet.com. And he has no ads! Who can top that?

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Benefit, Big Beautiful Eyes…

August 24th, 2008 Posted in Tips
6 Comments »

Gonna talk about some girly stuff here, sorry guys! But… you can always read about it maybe one day you want to buy some make up for your girlfriend (might come in handy one day)

Benefit for the girls but not for the guys :P

On my trip to Sg i bought a new eye make up kit from Benefit. From natural day look to smokey eye for night. It’s a 2 in 1 and won an award in Cleo magazine.

Big beautiful eyes

It’s a eye contour kit that help make the illusion of your eyes bigger. I think most Chinese would love this product. There’s finally help for your chinky eyes :P

It has a concealer, base shadow, contour shadow, liner shadow and a set of miniature brushes for you to apply.

1st apply the concealer on top of your eye lid and on you eye circle if you have any. 2nd apply the base on your brow bone (which is near your eye brow). Just a little will do, not too much. 3rd apply the contour shadow on the crease area or slightly above the crease and swipe it all the way to the front (near your nose). 4th use your finger to dap the liner in your outer lid. You can apply all these with the miniature brushes that comes along with it.

You don’t have to worry about what goes where, the eye shadow description is just at the back of the case.

It is pretty straight forward what is for what. The only thing is don’t use the liner brush to apply the liner shadow. You can use the liner brush for a more intense look for your outer lid when you want to do a smokey look. For daytime you would want just a natural look that open up your eyes. The liner brush can also be use as eye liner brush. You can apply the liner shadow to your outer lower lash line and your upper outer lash line.

It also comes with a product information slip that teaches you how to do the whole entire look, from day to night. If you forget how to do it you can always refer back to the slip.

Last but not least Benefit Dr. feel good is also a fab product.

This is one of my favourite product for those that sweat a lot. Actually i don’t sweat a lot. I use it when i go dancing, that’s when i sweat. It keeps the make up in place. No runs, no melts no streaks, nothing. I can look exactly the way i am at the end of the day. You can apply it before you put your foundation as a base or just wear it alone. It also helps to smoothen out fine lines and at the same time control your oily skin (great for those that don’t like to wear make up but just want an oil control product). Another way of doing this is, after putting on your make up just dab it on top of your face to set it. If your last step is loose powder just dab it on top of that. I would recommand this to anyone.

This is a day look i did for myself. Try to experiment and play around with your make up. The more you practice the better you will get.

Big beautiful eyes from Benefit ;)

Till next time…

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Catch Up With My Good Friend

August 24th, 2008 Posted in Just stuff
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For context, refer to:

Part 1: She Says, I Like You But Only As A Friend

Part 2: She Say’s I Like You But Only As A Friend

Caught up with my good friend on my very fast 1 day trip to Singapore. It’s been around 2 years since we last met. It’s good to see him. We met up around 3:30 pm in Wisma Atria and he took me to a nice little cafe in Paragon. When he ask me what would i like to drink? The first thing that came to my mind is i need a good chocolate milkshake! He looked at me stunned, why? You should have told me earlier i would take you to a place that serve fabulous milkshake haha! I told him, it’s ok i’m sure whatever milkshake they serve here is better than Malaysia. Sorry to say people, M’sia serve bad milkshake. I’ve been back here for 10+ years and i have never had a proper milkshake. I didn’t know ice-cream was so expensive in M’sia that they have to serve it with either a lot of milk and water and it would taste stale with whatever flavor you ordered, ewww!

I got my chocolate milkshake and he also ordered a orange cake with vanila ice-cream. The cake was really yummy! Not too sweet nor fattening just nice. Oh… and my milkshake was FAB! The feeling was OOO going down my throat, where have you been all my life :P We spend the whole afternoon catching up with his things, my things and whatever things that’s going around. By the way i was at Singapore for one day cause my bf has to attend a meeting, so i tag along. Time flies… before we knew it it was 6+ and time for dinner. My bf finish his meeting and was suppose to meet up with us at Paragon. After half and hour still no sign of him. Apparently he couldn’t get a cab. He walk a few streets down hoping he can get a cab from there, it got worst, he was a little lost. Did you know in Singapore you can’t just hail a cab from anywhere, you have to go to a taxi stand. Usually it’s pack especially during peak hours. My friend said, ask him to wait there, we will find him no point when he can’t get a cab. So we went to look for him.

We found him standing in front on this. Telok Ayer Market also known as Lau Pa Sat. We decided we wanted to eat Chinese food so my friend wants to take us to one of his favourite place that serve famous Shanghai dumplings. We took a cab and went back to Paragon. I forgot what’s the name of the restaurant.

This is on the cover of the chopsticks. Ranked by the New York Times as one of the World’s top ten best restaurants. Well it better be good ;)

We started off with the famous Shanghai steam dumplings also known as xiao long pau. I have to say… it was fantastic!

A closer look. Hmm… i’m making myself hungry.

I think this is fried rice with pork chop, my bf ordered this, tasty!

This is their own homemade noodles with pork chop. If you like clear soupy noodles, this is good. Otherwise you might find this boring.

This is my friend’s favourite. It looks like wanton noodle soup. He says it looks boring but it’s tasty.

Last but not least, you gotta have a nice bowl of chicken soup. I’m a soup lover. This soup comes a little close to my mom’s soup. My mom make fantastic soup. Good soup has to taste pure and tasty with the original spices that’s cooked inside. All 3 of us is a soup lover, something we didn’t missed.

We had a great dinner, but sadly my friend has to go back to work to prepare for some crappy proposal. He was bitching about his work to me. He is in a nightmare, hell hole that he can’t seem to get out of (he is in the IT field). After that, we said our good bye’s and he’s off to work and we headed back to our hotel and pick up my dancing shoes and off to Union Square.

Union Square is the place to be when you are a salsa fanatic. They have salsa every night and it’s packed with people. They also have a Spanish band that will play for about 20mins. Nice dance floor and space with good ventilation. You will find all the salsa craziness in there. For the salsa fanatics, Union Square is located at:

165 Tanjong Pagar Road
#02-05 THE AMARA HOTEL Singapore 088539
Tel/Hp : 62246116
Fax : 62241661

I saw only a few familiar faces as it was on a Tuesday night but still it was packed. Had a few dances and call it a night. The next day after my bf finish his meeting, we drove back. I mean “I” drove back. I can’t believe i actually drove all the way from Sg back to M’sia. It’s not that bad, only about 4 hours. Hat’s off to me ;)

Till next time…

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European GP 2008: Qualifying

August 24th, 2008 Posted in Just stuff
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  • Pole position: Felipe Massa (Ferrari)
  • 2nd: Lewis Hamilton (McLaren)
  • 4th: Kimi Raikonnen (Ferrari)
  • 12th: Fernando Alonso (Renault)

It’s sad that Alonso is only able to get 12th placing on the grid. At least Valencia is unlike other street circuits and provide opportunities to overtake. I’ve always rooted for Alonso; to me he’s an extremely talented driver (albeit a little whiney at times) in a still-lots-of-work-to-be-done car.

Go Alonso!

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Volvo = tough?

August 23rd, 2008 Posted in Just stuff
3 Comments »

It was a rainy day yesterday, and as I exited the SMART tunnel heading home from a meeting, I noticed there was a traffic jam just right in front of me. And as soon as I noticed the jam, I quickly rammed the brakes. As the road was slippery, the wheels locked and slid on the road, heading right towards the Volvo in front of me.

Thoughts flew through my mind, but I decided to remain calm and not do anything rash. Everything was in slow motion, and I noticed the important details – there was nowhere I could go, I can’t go right, I was already on the right-most lane, I can’t go left because there were cars there too, and I had no choice but to hope that the brakes would stop the car in time.

It didn’t.

Bang! My car rammed into the Volvo right in front of me, and I can feel the impact pushing my car a little to the left when it hit the Volvo. I came out to check the damage, and to talk to the Volvo driver.

To my surprise, he didn’t even bother to come down to check, just waved his hand as if to say “What-lah!”, and drove off! The cars behind me honked in impatience, and I quickly get inside and drive off after seeing the damage: the right headlight was smashed a little, and the front side of the car looks a little crushed in; the bumper in front was bent in a little.

And I wonder – why didn’t the Volvo driver bother to come down and check the damage, and possibly ask for a reimbursement for the damage caused, if any? Is it because it was drizzling, or is it because he had so much confidence for the Volvo that he’s sure there will be no damage?

I guess I’ll never know.

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