How To Be “The Guy” And Not The Rebound Guy

July 31st, 2008 Posted in Just stuff
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Inspired by the hit series “Ugly Betty” season 2, i like to talk about this problem which i think a lot of guys do not know. If you have finish watching the show like i did, you would understand why this is a un-resolved problem.

A lot of times after a girl breaks up with her boyfriend there come a friend (guy) with his shoulder for her to cry on. Who is this guy?. Usually a good friend or just a friend. They comfort you, try to make you smile, do everything that’s possible so you would heal from the break up. Where’s the catch? Ya… there’s a catch. After you are “over” with your ex, possibly you can consider the new beau that was with in your time of need. It is sad to say, but a lot of guys actually do that. I have to give credit to the guys cause it takes a lot of patience and understanding. On top of that it doesn’t guarantee the girl will be with you after she’s over the ex.

What you can do is, still be her friend so that you would know if she’s ready to move on or just want to have some fun. Most of the time when someone is on a “rebound” they tend to fall for someone very fast cause they crave for that feeling again. Very subjective here, unless you too are a player, then you won’t need to read this. I’m sure you have lot’s of experience ;) . Moving on, since the 2 of you are already close friends or at least friends, you want to show her that you are there not just as a good friend but someone she can count on, someone serious . That is why you should be careful with the “friend zone” (read this in the earlier post). Give her space and drop hints that you are someone she can think of you in a romantic way. I have 1 good example: imagine this, think 1 of your good friend (girl) she’s like a sister to you or a really good friend that you tell all your secrets to. And then 1 day you tell her you love her. What do you think her reaction is gonna be ?. She’s gonna be in the stage of shock. “I can’t sleep with my friend i know for so long”. “It’ll jeopardize our friendship”. You’ve just made the situation complicated. BUT if you simply maintain a casual friendship and hopefully develop chemistry throughout, things may turn out to be different.

The rebound guy

If you are that guy, during her break up time and she was feeling needy and you were there for her, you are just going to be the rebound guy. She just want to get over her break up. She doesn’t know what she wants at the moment. You will end up being just another guy that’s feeding her neediness. She would actually feel like you are the substitute. Before you know it, she would start to tell you that you are not suitable for her and tons of reasons why. At that stage, she is not really over the ex yet. She’s on a “rebound”, she just need someone to fall on, like a soft pillow to ensure she’s not hurt but when she’s able to stand on her own she’ll be flying out of your arms. Unless you don’t mind being the rebound guy, you can go ahead with whatever persistent actions you have in mind. Just be cautious, a lot of people can do silly things when it comes to matters of the heart.

The “GUY”

In my opinion, if you really want to be the guy, you gotta let her go. Let her get over the break up herself. Or simply let her get a rebound guy or maybe not. Well it’s risk whether you want to take or not. Watch Ugly Betty, Gio can teach a lesson or 2. There is no need to rush things, if she’s interested she would definitely be there. But if she’s not, no matter what you do it’s just not gonna happen. Some of you may think, she’s not interested now, maybe later. Hmm… i’ll say at this stage, i don’t know how late you can wait. I don’t think she’s waiting for anyone. She will get over her ex on her own and move on. If she sees you in the future, you are going to be like someone she just met. Someone she can have a date with. Someone she can start to enjoy the company and perhaps start a relationship with :) . You get the idea. If you want a better picture, just watch Ugly Betty ;)

  • Boyfriend says: Point is, if you like a girl and she’s going through a break up, don’t be her girlfriend and listen to her sob stories. That is what her girlfriends are for, not you. You are there to bring sunshine to her life, not helping her to re-live her misery by listening all night long about how cruel her ex were, what shit he got into, what did he do wrong etc. No sir, ignore all that and focus on having fun. Ignore the irrelevant stuffs (her sob stories.. try zoning out and switch topic, it works) and focus on showing her how much fun she can have with you. :)

Till next time…

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One Leaky toilet Is Not Enough, ADD Another Spoil Air Condition (ac)

July 30th, 2008 Posted in Just stuff
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I can’t believe people these days are so unethical. All this while i thought the ac in the guest room needs servicing, untill i found out today that it was spoil and it was done purposely by the guy that install it!. How do i know?. Yesterday my ac in the living area was leaking, so i called the ac guy to come today and see what’s wrong with it. Usually the piping inside is clog or something. Nothing serious as i had the experienced before. Since the guys are here to fix ac, might as well ask them to service the ac in the guest room. At first he told me the starter was spoil, just change it which was fine. When he changed it, nothing improve. After taking a closer look, then he found out that the compressor is spoil. How, you may ask?. There’s 2 hose that’s connected to the compressor and it’s suppose to let the gas out. He just connect 1 hose which is “in” but didn’t connect the “out” hose. So the gas was stuck inside and eventually the compressor is spoil. As a ac installer, this is 1 simple mistake you should not make. What does this tell you?. Ya.. it was on purpose. That #&@!!!.

Luckily, i have another set of ac and able to change just the compressor. Cost me another 100 bucks to make the change. Was surprise that it works together with a different brand. So people, next time if your fixed it guy tell you that is is spoil, this is now working that is not working, look for other options first before you do anything. Ask them to show you what is spoil and explain how it got spoil. If you are going to fix something that’s spoil let’s make sure it’s broken and can’t be fix unless you replace another one.

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Hate Leaky Toilets

July 30th, 2008 Posted in Just stuff
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One of those days, when the toilets are controlling your life. I have bad experiences with leaky toilets. My old apartment had that problem and now the new apartment is ALSO having that problem. The good news is that it’s finally fixed. Plumber came this afternoon and said that the toilet valve is broken. I didn’t know a plastic toilet valve would cost 200 bucks. He told me that if i wanted to to buy back the branded toilet valve it would cost 200+ and it’s is the same plastic thing that does the job. I choose the 200 dollars valve that still does the job. Hmm… did i get rip off?. I probably did. Unless i have a plumber friend or anyone that knows how to change it, like what the dude said, it’s “market price”.

In case you don’t know what’s a toilet valve, it is the thing that is inside your toilet bowl that pumps the water up when you flush, which is connected to the flusher. I didn’t take a picture of it cause i ask them to throw it away and my toilet bowl is one of those that’s lock with the flusher. My flusher is one of those press down and it locks the lid on top. Explaning it seems like it’s a lot of work.

Leaky toilets is a lot of hassle. The latest one i’ve experience which is mushroom growing in my bathroom. That’s something enriching. It made me research about it. Also make the toilet wet and dirty at all times. I’m a pretty clean person, that is just disturbing. Imagining when you walk into the toilet and stepping on a puddle of water, ewww!. I guess the water is not dirty but after awhile sitting at your tiles or whatever that’s in your bathroom, you get the picture. I hope the new valve does the job and everything would be back to normal.

Till next time…

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Mushroom In My Bathroom, 1 week update

July 29th, 2008 Posted in Just stuff
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My experience with the “shrooms”. I just took this picture. It’s been 1 week and the mushroom died by itself.

Solution for your “shrooms”

Mushrooms are fungi and they grow on damp places. It is not uncommon. Most common place are the bathroom, toilet areas, at the showers, garage you get the idea. Most likely it will grow in between the damp tiles. Keep the area dry, and you will see the mushrooms die but doesn’t mean it won’t grow back. What you can do is pour bleach or antifungal product and clean out the area. This is to prevent the spores from spreading. Do not leave any damp cloth, towel, wet clothes on the floor. When showering make sure to dry off inside or on a mat. Not on the floor tiles.

You can remove the mushroom and treat the area with a mixture household bleach and warm water. This is not uncommon so not to worry. Keep the “shrooms” away.

Till next time…

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American Slang & Expressions Part 1

July 29th, 2008 Posted in Just stuff
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At times when i go to a movie. I ask myself do the locals understand the slang and expressions?. Once i ask my friends and they answered me, “oh we read the subtitles”. Ooook, so i thought let’s catch up on some American slang, expressions & phrases.

Common words

Ballpark figure - a good numeric guess, an estimate

Brewski – a beer, a bottle, a can or a glass of beer.

Dis – to insult someone (noun), or insult itself (verb).

Doormat – wear individual who is regularly insulted by others.

Haywire - broken, in a state of chaos, not workin.

Gibberish – Speech that doesn’t make sense; nonsensical words and phrases.

Hype - loud advertising and promotion.

Love handles – Unsightly fat that shows from the sides at the waist, usually on men.

Go bananas – To be irrational and wild; to lose control.

No-brainer – Something that is perfectly obvious; easy to do, requiring very little effort.

On cloud 9 - to be extremely happy, elated.

Uncle Sam – The U.S. government; a patriotic figure who symbolizes the United States.

Rookie – A beginner; one who is new to a profession or field.

Psyched – Very excited and ready to go; in high spirits.

I can go on and on but want to leave some space and move on to another category.

Words commonly use in the hood

Da bomb - Excellent, the best.

Blow it – to lose or waste something, to do poorly or fail miserably.

Crib -a person’s place of residence.

Later - bye, short for see you later.

Hangout – To pass time idly; to loaf with pleasure, at ease.

Hoodlum – A criminal or gangster.

Hooked – Addicted; to like something so much that you need it every day.

Klutz – A clumsy person; an awkward or physically incompetent individual.

Hung up on – To be obsessed about something or someone.

Phat – excellent, cool, the greatest.

Bounce – to leave.

Dawg – Slang for “my close acquaintance of an African-American ethnic background”

Ghetto – residential area of a city, usually troubled by a disproportionately large amount of crime.

Projects – Usually a group of dirty buildings made for really poor/homeless people to live in. Projects are dangerous,very dirty,filled with gangsters,drug dealers,pimps,hookers and such.

These are few common words you will hear black African American use in the movies. There are many more and the words will keep on growing. Back when i was in Brooklyn, i use words like break out which means leave or now they have change it to “bounce”. The slang/expressions constantly change all the time. These are just few words for your understanding.

Till next time…
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Tea With Me And My Blog

July 29th, 2008 Posted in Just stuff
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It is that time of the day again. Yup, time for tea. What am i having ?. Toasted bread with butter and sugar on top. And hot chocolate to go with it.

Toast your bread.

Spread butter on the toast.

Next put some sugar on top, best to use fine sugar.

Now that you are done with the toast, moving on to the hot chocolate.

While waiting for boiling water. If you are not a hot chocolate drinker replace it with coffee or tea.

Stir well while the water is hot, so that the powder is dissolved entirely.

I’m done!

This is me having tea while blogging. One of my favourite homemade toasted bread with butter and sugar. You can replace it with peanut butter too. I’m using a Macbook and a wireless mouse. Just another lazzzy afternoon at home. I know by the time i post this it’s already 5pm, well… i was preparing all those things and i ate it :P Have a nice day!

Till next time…

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What a girl really means when she says “NO” – A Guide

July 28th, 2008 Posted in Just stuff
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I have a lot of friends asking me for hmm…. what should i call it? relationship advice? Nop, they are not even in a relationship. Well.. ok just advice about girls. I think most people either give out mix signals or receiving the wrong signal. But whatever it is, i hope people read the signal right. If not you will end up in in a awkward situation or even worst with embarrassment. Bear in mind if it doesn’t work out, you can still be friends.

Actions that turn you down

  • If a girl says no or turn your offer down, “maybe next time”. Meaning she’s just being polite doesn’t really mean she’s waiting for the next time to come. It’s just another polite way of “turning you down”. If she’s really bz cause she can’t make it, she will call you and re-schedule another outing with you and plan which day that she is free. Your offer should not exceed 3 times. Best would be 2 and strike 3 you are out. You don’t have to keep on asking her. Major turn off.
    • Boyfriend says: From a guy’s perspective, if she doesn’t reply or counter-invite with a different day by the third time, throw her number into the toilet bowl and flush. Literally. It’s feels good knowing where her number is going.
  • When she do not answer your messages or calls, get the message she is not answering meaning she’s not interested. That is not difficult. Don’t give excuses for her as if she was bz. If she was bz, she will return the call or messages within 1 hr. Not in 5 hrs time or tomorrow. Which means you are no one important just someone she does not want to entertain.
    • Boyfriend says: Guys, you should be the one doing this, not her. You’re “busy” all the time, even if you’re twiddling your thumbs waiting for someone to ask you out. Remember that! ;)
  • When hanging out with a group of girls, and 1 of the girl says, we should hang out 1 day doesn’t mean she’s interested. She could have just like hanging out with you cause she is lifeless too. Or just get to know you. She can’t determine that she likes you yet. But she’s willing to find out more. Don’t get too excited, who knows she might just be using you for free breakfast, lunches, dinners, suppers, entrance fee to a club or movies.
    • Boyfriend says: There is a lot of ways/guides out there to find out if a girl is a user, so I’m not going to write too much about that. Just be cautioned about that. Keep both of your eyes and ears open for these girls and STAY AWAY.
  • The most important point of all is…… when there’s no respond, guess what? YUP! no respond, what else is there to think ? no excuse, nothing, HELLO didn’t you get the message yet? It’s time to move on…. don’t waste anytime anymore. That is why always keep a neutral mindset.
    • Boyfriend says: To make this easier to swallow than “there’s a lot of fishes out there”, just treat it like it’s a numbers game. If your odds of finding a girl that is interested in you is 1/100, you don’t press your luck (and go on full force) with one girl and hope that she’s your 1 in a 100, only to be dejected later when you find out that she’s not (after all the flowers and dinner invites and the movie outings and the “i’m not ready for a relationship yet but you find her holding hands with a guy next week” experience. Trust me, you don’t want to go through that. And the problem with pressing your luck is, you ruin your chances with that girl in the future. I mean, who knows what’s going to happen in the future, right? Play it cool and don’t bother so much whether she replies that SMS or not. :)

Girls can’t determain whether she likes you or not without actually knowing you beforehand. Major no no is don’t ever come on too strong too quickly. It just scares the girl away. Ya.. we’re gentle creature, we get scared easily. Actions that says i’m coming on strong are anything that appear too straight forward. I’ll give a few examples. Like, sending flowers, poetry, buying gifts (doesn’t matter if it’s expensive or not). It shows that you are giving the girl 100% or 110% of your attention that i like you. These are pretty straight forward actions that pretty much scares a girl without HER getting to know you first, in case she wasn’t interested in the first place. It may leave her with ok.. i’m not interested and give her a chance to just turn you down straight away. The key thing is, to keep it casual.

Boyfriend says: I dunno.. IMHO coming on strong works for certain types of girls.. so it depends.. Like what fallen angel says earlier, learn to read the signals right!

Till next time…

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What’s Up With The American Slang?

July 28th, 2008 Posted in Just stuff
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Since i’ve been back for nearly 10yrs+, im sad to say i nearly lost my American slang. Well more like i’ve keep it inside of me. I can’t speak the way i use to cause people here just wouldn’t understand. They might seem like they do but they don’t. I was really frustrated when i first came back cause people can’t even understand when i ask for “water”. They would ask what? Oh.. wad ter is it ? or “restaurant” = res tau rant. Eventhough it’s the same word, it’s just the way people pronounce it. Everyone is entitle to have their country’s accent. I respect that. As the years gone by, i’ve caught up with the local slang or even the accent. As for the first 2 years i can’t really make out words they are saying or even understand certain words. Thank god that has passed.

Until now at times i’m still fighting within myself with certain words i should use or say. Not just because of the American slang, it’s also cause i hail from Brooklyn, and i have a lot of street language/expressions in. My words are just mixed up and jumbo up together in a certain way. At least now i can control it since i’ve been living here for a period of time. It will slip up sometimes, know what i’m saying :P

It irritates me sometimes when someone finds out that i came back from the states and they expect me to have an American slang. Hmm… would you understand “water” or wad ter? in fact there’s even more if i would have speak in a full sentence. I prefer to blend in the environment rather than to be arrogant just because i came back from the states. I have friends that tries really hard to keep their slang, be it American or British, come ON… it’s just not real. It sounds really made up/fake and no one sounds like that here, and it shows that you just want to prove something? I don’t, i guess these people do. It’s strange when people are having conversation and when you talk you sound white or at least you try to sound white. If you haven’t notice that you are in Asia and you are not white. So what cha saying?.

After living in Asia for a number of years, and been brought up in the states, having a cultural difference is not easy. I learn that no matter where you are, just get with the culture. You don’t have to be a certain way, just be yourself. I have fought with myself for many years wondering why i was having such a hard time adapting. It is simply because i had to learn a new culture and live in it. So far it’s been 10yrs +… not too bad. Of course i try to keep a little New Yorker in me from time to time. When i talk to westerners i still have my American slang, it’s something i learn to control and use it when it’s appropriate. On the other hand, my best buds in the states will laugh at me on my half American/British slang that i’m currently speaking. I don’t know what it is but it works :P

Till next time…

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My Not So Latest Obsession… Salsa Dancing

July 26th, 2008 Posted in Just stuff
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About 2 years ago, met a online friend and he introduce me to the world of salsa. From that day on, it has turn into another of my obsession. Especially when it comes to dancing. Woohooo! Ever since i relocate back to Asia, can’t seem to find anyone that’s passionate about dancing. After introduced to the salsa world here, i find that people that’s in salsa are very passionate about dancing. Well… at least at the beginning before they fade out of the scene.

Salsa, salsa, salsa

My friend took me to a club that has salsa night on every Thursday. After that I decided i want to take some lessons. Before that i did some latin dance class when i first flew back. So i was a little stiff on the legs cause in latin, your legs has to be straight at all times. It is very technical. While salsa you got to be soft and agile and not so technical at all. Salsa is a social dance unlike latin which is cater for competitions and performances.

Basics, doing the “mambo”

Girls start with her right leg stepping backward and then move back in the middle, left leg forward back to the middle. Guys will start with the opposite. Right leg forward, back to the middle then left leg backward back to the middle. So you would be like walking back and forth together with your partner. In salsa, there are 8 counts and 4 & 8 are silent. I’m going to try to explain this in detail but it might get confusing, but i’ll try my best. So it’s 1,2,3( 4 )5,6,7( 8 ) 1 is when you start 5 is when something happens 8 is when it’s finish. Since salsa is a partner dance, both have their duties. 1 is when it start, 5 is when the guy leads, 8 is when the girl comes back. When the girl steps behind and the guy steps forward on 1, then 2,3 the guy leads which could be a simple turn by the time the girl turns it’s on 5 when she finishes the turn it’s on 8. They are simple leads to follow. It could be a tap or a gentle push on the hip or the shoulder and the most common ones are when the guy raise his left hand means it’s a right turn, left hand means left turn. These actions are leads while dancing. These are the basics of salsa.

As it goes on you will learn more routines but the counts are the same. Before you know it you will be dancing. Most importantly is to have good basics. It takes you a long way and it will affect your dancing, if you want to be good or have a better understanding in the future. A good example is, before you can run, you gotta walk right, if you can’t walk right how do you think you’re gonna run? Know what i mean. Don’t be too anxious and get the basics right.

Shines

After the first lesson of basics and partner work moving along i was introduce to “shines”. What are they? They are a set of steps for individual to dance when the guy lead to a “shine” or you can “shine” by yourself (as in dancing by yourself). Everyone start their shines with the foot forward first, they call it men’s time. Which means you start your step like the guys, moving forward first. A shine can be done by both party facing each other doing their own steps. Which means when you are dancing half way with your partner and he lead u to a shine so that you are able to dance by yourself and he shine by himself. Each set of shines are in counts of 8 and you can combine them together and have a few sets of shines. You will shine until the guy picks u back up which means, while you are dancing by yourself he will come back in the position and bring you back into his arms. This part the girl has disadvantage. If the girl can’t do a lot of shine and the guy keep on dancing by himself, oh god… it can become a awkward situation. That is why the guy should be a gentleman and knows when the girl is done shining or is not comfortable with shines and just pick her up and continue doing partner work. It’s a partner dance, why would you want to leave your partner dancing by herself for so long ;) .

Hm… i hope i make sense cause it’s not easy to break it down into words. Would be easier if i did a video clip. Better than a thousand words.

Till next time…

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Hanging @ Soho, Back In The Dayzzz

July 26th, 2008 Posted in Just stuff
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I started hanging at Soho when i was 14. Not too sure if you are able to see the map clearly but Soho start from the border of Chinatown and straight up connects to Little Italy, Broadway/Lafayatte St,Spring St and so on.

woot i have a map! <— my bf did that

You can start shopping from

Broadway/Lafayatte Avenue straight up to Soho, 8th St, East Village, West Village. On Broadway you will see major designer brands like Armani, DKNY, Calvin Klein, Prada, Miu Miu D & G, Patricia Field, Kate Spade, Coach and many more. Also some very trendy boutiques like Phat Farm, Stussy & Urban Outfitters. When you reach East Village there are so many vintage boutiques.

<— Huge DKNY ad on Broadway

That use to my favourite style. On the east side, people are more outcast. They are goth, pierced & tattooed. While on the west side there’s a basketball court which was quite popular. A lot of street ball was played there. The guys are really good. Something like “Above The Rim”. West side is also known as Washington Square.  It’s just in the campus of NYU. You have a lot of students hanging there or some people playing music, singing, rollerblading in the summer or just feeding pigeons. <— Washington Sq Park

You see the building behind, that’s NYU.

<— Washington Square

Almost forgot, graffiti is really big at the BIG apple. Usually in Subways. Everything seems to be vandalize. But not everyone was in trouble. Andre Charles’ was famous with his baby Brandon graffiti.

His graffiti of this baby made him famous. He had this baby air brushed at one of the walls at Broadway. One of my favourite. Baby Brandon was everywhere in the streets of New York City. You can read about him on the link i provided above. Interesting guy, interesting story.

Through out my teenage years, if i’m not ice skating, i’ll be in the village. The fashion in the village changes so fast. Not only that, but has lot’s of interesting fashion going on. Everyone was just being themselves or trying out new ideas. Hmm… i guess i can say i was one of them freaks. I had my left eyebrow pierced. Change my hair color every 2-3 weeks. I was into the funky hair colors with my 2 best buds. We dyed our own hair. Started out with just a few brown highlights to pink, blue, violet, aqua, green, orange you name it, i think we tried it all. Hehe.. those were the fun days. I guess that’s where my fashion passion came from.

Lazzzy Sat, Till next time…

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